The best time to get a feel for a bar is in the early a.m. hours. You'll find all sorts of people at any happy hour, but it's the regulars hunched over video poker at 1 in the morning who give a drinking establishment its distinctive vibe. My buddies are semi-regulars at Hammerhead's—the place we're visiting tonight—stopping by for Friday night karaoke to belt out off-key renditions of "Don't Worry, Be Happy."
I'd never noticed the place, despite its proximity to my gym, or because of its proximity to my gym (which I rarely visit). I decide Hammerhead's is close enough to the place for this to count as a long-delayed workout session.
Entering, I'm instantly drowned in the whole underwater motif. The blue walls are adorned with seafaring paraphernalia and paintings of sharks. There's also an abundance of Pittsburgh Steelers banners, creating a sort of surf and Astroturf theme. Among the 20 or so critters in the fish tank, there's a fish that can actually change from black to white. It's affectionately been dubbed "the Michael Jackson fish."
With one of my friends absorbed in a long-distance phone call and the other hogging the attention of the only two ladies in the bar, I eavesdrop on a nearby conversation. The subject is movie trivia, which is music to my ears. My skill with the Kevin Bacon game is No. 1 atop my long list of useless talents.
The conversation turns to Brad Pitt's first significant screen appearance, and I debate whether or not to throw in my two cents.
"I think it was Johnny Suede," suggests one of the two young men.
"Actually, he was in this track-and-field movie when he was really young," I finally say.
"I know what movie you're talking about," says the guy I've identified as Jason. "But Brad Pitt wasn't in it. Ricky Schroder was."
I insist that Pitt was in it and confidently add that the Internet Movie Database would vindicate me. Calling my bet, Jason whips out his cell phone and calls his girlfriend.
"I bet you 10 push-ups it wasn't Brad Pitt."
Whoa. Now those are high stakes. I'm not sure I've done a push-up since high school. But I agree.
"Okay, you tell her what to look up," he says, handing the phone off to me. I take a moment to awkwardly introduce myself to the woman on the other end of the line.
"Hey, don't hit on my girlfriend," Jason says.
Great. The only thing worse than doing push-ups would be getting into a bar fight over a disembodied voice. Sticking strictly to business, I instruct her to look up Brad Pitt on IMDb and read off the earliest few entries in his filmography. As she lists a number of made-for-TV movies I've never heard of, I begin to grow apprehensive. Then ...
"Wait. Across the Tracks? Click on that one!" I say. Triumph seeps into my voice.
"Give me the phone," Jason says before I get final confirmation. But before he puts it to his ear, he says, "Okay. You're probably right about Brad Pitt, but double-or-nothing, I bet you Ricky Schroder is the other brother, and if I'm right, you have to do 10 push-ups."
"I never said Ricky Schroder wasn't the other brother," I object. "I have no idea. Ricky Schroder is the single hole in my knowledge of actors. I wasn't a big Silver Spoons fan."
"C'mon!" Jason insists. "I'm already going to do my 10 push-ups. If I'm right, we'll both do 10 push-ups."
Oh, what the hell. I agree.
His girlfriend confirms that Across the Tracks—an after-school-special-type film about competing track star brothers from opposite sides of the tracks (get it? get it?)—did, in fact, star both Brad Pitt and Rick Schroder.
I make note of Hammerhead's admirably clean floor as I get down on my hands and knees. This is the first opportunity I've had to examine the floor of a bar, at least while sober. We both do our push-ups, effectively ending my hiatus from exercise. Who needs a gym membership when you've got Hammerhead's?
And with our debts now paid to one another, my new workout buddy buys me a beer.
Hammerhead's Bar & Grill Where: 5310 W. Sahara Ave. Info: 367-6867.
At long last, Matthew Scott Hunter has a valid reason to drink. You can e-mail him at
[email protected].