I frequently whine about the loading times of PSP games, but this'll mark the first time I've ever complained that they're too short. Only seconds after devastating a massive polar bear (not to mention my thumbs) with a magnificent 20-hit combo, I'm thrust into yet another exotic environment with an opponent hell-bent on being the one of us standing when the letters "KO" appear onscreen. Despite how wonderfully the game handles and how gorgeous the graphics look, the load times somehow manage to be too short for my throbbing thumbs to get the break they so sorely need. Now that's impressive.
Dark Resurrection is, by far, the best fighting game on PSP, or any handheld system for that matter. An upgraded port of the PS2's Tekken 5, Dark Resurrection is that rare brawler with a well-balanced roster of fighters and a difficulty curve so perfect, scientists could use it to calibrate their instruments. It's just tough enough to make you memorize those lengthy combos, but it never feels cheap. This is especially important in handheld fighting games, since cheapness tends to precipitate throwing of the controller, and a PSP is a mighty expensive controller to be hurling across the room.
CRUSTY DEMONS BY SOUTH PEAK INTERACTIVE (2 stars)
Platform: Xbox.
Rated: M.
When a team of punk bikers perishes in a stunt, none other than Satan himself punishes them with a series of death-defying stunts and the immortality to suffer through and survive every bone-crunching crash. And crashing is exactly what you'll be doing the majority of the time, thanks to infuriating controls and physics. If the devil really wanted to punish these bikers, he would've made them play this game.
MONSTER HOUSE BY THQ (2.5 stars)
Platforms: PlayStation 2, GameCube.
Rated: E10+.
The scariest thing about Monster House is the insane number of chairs old man Nebbercracker has stockpiled in his evil abode. How often did this guy have to sit? In any case, this game will have you guiding three squirt-gun-toting preadolescents as they ruin those chairs along with the rest of Nebbercracker's possessed, supernatural furniture. Vandalism has never been so dull.
BATTLE B-DAMAN BY ATLUS (3 stars)
Platform: GameBoy Advance.
Rated: E.
Do you ever feel bad about forcing adorable little Pokemon to do your fighting for you? Well, leave that guilt behind and put a marble-blasting robot in the ring instead. As with Pokemon, Battle B-Daman lets you cruise around an overworld, picking fights with the locals. Your spoils consist of robot upgrades rather than unbearably cutesy critters, so you can give Pikachu a break.