SOUNDCHECK: Not the Usual Carols

BOOTSY COLLINS


CHRISTMAS IS 4 EVER (2 stars)

Ever wondered how it might sound if the P-Funk crew worked out "Jingle Bells" and "Winter Wonderland"? Me either. While there's no denying Bootsy remains superfunky as he edges past 55, it's hard to believe anyone stuffing a stocking with his Christmas CD this year won't be doing it purely with gag-gift intentions. Sure, I snickered when I heard Collins sing "Boot-Off the funky-soul reindeer/Had a very shiny glow/Boot-Off the funky-soul reindeer/Said if you fake the funk your nose will grow," but that doesn't mean I ever need, or intend, to spin "Boot-Off" again. "Silent Night" was grating enough before the Mothership beamed it up. And while "Christmas Is 4 Ever"—one of three originals on the 13-track disc—approximates the type of flowing soul-funk Andre 3000 might have written, it can't save the album from feeling like this year's best novelty present.

RICHARD CHEESE


SILENT NIGHTCLUB (4 stars)

The Lord of the Lounge Lizards trades his tiger-striped tuxedo for a reindeer-patterned sweater with Silent Nightclub, a swinging, martini-hoisting collection of highly nontraditional yuletide tunes.

Wringing every drop of holiday relevance out of the unlikeliest of pop songs, he applies his trademark "swankifying" to the likes of Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus," Madonna's "Like A Virgin," Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" and Dead Kennedys' "Holiday in Cambodia." Highlights include a tribute to a Hispanic Jesus, a nonappearance appearance by "Weird Al" Yankovic, a hilariously literal version of "Jingle Bells" (originally by those not-at-all annoying Barking Dogs), and the album's sole original number, "Christmas in Las Vegas." It's upbeat, entertaining and as soused as you wish you could be come Christmas-dinner time.

James Taylor


AT CHRISTMAS (4 stars)

If you're looking for a mellow, unobtrusive, melodic listening experience that couldn't offend your aural sensibilities if it tried, James Taylor is probably your ultimate go-to guy. That also makes him the perfect candidate to release a Christmas album you can share with the whole family. It's a little hipper than Der Bingle, but it won't send Grandma scrambling for a second cup of eggnog to kill the pain.

I've never been much of a JT guy myself, but even a nonbeliever can acknowledge the subtle brilliance of his spare vocals and soothing arrangements that meld folk, jazz and a touch of blues in these 12 holiday classics. He tweaks "Jingle Bells" with groovy phrasing and even a little scat singing for a whimsical ride with a bob-tailed nag, and the cozy give-and-take with Natalie Cole pushes "Baby, It's Cold Outside" beyond the kitschy realm of boozy crooners of yore.

But Taylor shines brightest on the soulful "In the Bleak Midwinter," which spotlights his tender voice over the light touch of strings and piano and puts you knee-deep in the "snow on snow on snow" on a dark December night, capturing the bracing majesty and awe of the season.

SUFJAN STEVENS


SONGS FOR CHRISTMAS (3 1/2 stars)

Leave it to Stevens, the indie-folk wunderkind one twenty-fifth of the way through his grand 50 states project, to take an idea as simple as a holiday album and turn it into a mammoth five-disc, 42-track affair. In his defense, though, Songs For Christmas isn't as overblown as it might seem, since the CDs were recorded annually starting in 2001—holiday gifts for his friends and family now conjoined to form the rare Christmas set actually worth $20 and two hours of your time.

When Stevens sticks to shopping mall seasonals—"Joy to the World," "The Little Drummer Boy," "O Holy Night," short instrumental swipes at "Jingle Bells" and "The First Noel"—the results are generally fairly ordinary, though his keyboard-driven arrangement does put a fresh spin on "What Child Is This? (retitled "What Child Is This Anyway?"). More compelling moments come when the devout Christian lends his banjo and tender voice to religious hymnals such as "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and "O Come, O Come Emmanuel," and when he puts his own crack songwriting skills to work with "That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!," "Did I Make You Cry on Christmas Day? (Well, You Deserved It!)" and 15 other Sufjan originals worth hearing any time of year.

Twisted Sister


A Twisted Christmas (1 star)

Oddly billed as Twisted Sister's final album, even though they haven't released any new original material since 1987, A Twisted Christmas is a disaster from start to finish, and an especially sad swan song for a band that never quite deserved to be the joke it grew into.

That joke factor is pretty much all Christmas has going for it, though, with Dee Snider & Co. serving up exactly one fun, original bit (a rewrite of "The 12 Days of Christmas" called "Heavy Metal Christmas") amid the listless renditions of obvious holiday tunes. The arrangements don't bring any real hard rock flair to the traditional songs, which Snider sings with disappointing earnestness, and even a guest appearance by Lita Ford and a version of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" that sounds suspiciously like "We're Not Gonna Take It" can't save this mess.

Sarah McLachlan


Wintersong (2 1/2 stars)

McLachlan's holiday album is at its best when it strays from traditional Christmas music—her sweet, light versions of Joni Mitchell's "River" and Gordon Lightfoot's "Song for a Winter's Night" are evocative of the season without being cloying, and the title track, the album's one original tune, is a contemplative ballad in the mode of McLachlan's "Angel." But far too much of the rest is somber and funereal (she turns "I'll Be Home for Christmas" from wistful to despondent), or simply soporific (you really might sleep in heavenly peace while listening to her version of "Silent Night").

The tribal drums in the middle portion of "The First Noel/Mary Mary" suggest a bolder take on these well-worn songs that sadly never fully manifests, and the Diana Krall guest spot on "Christmas Time is Here" seals the album's fate as perfect holiday background music for book stores.

BETTE MIDLER


COOL YULE (2 1/2 stars)

Far more surprising than the choice of songs the Divine Miss M covers here is the fact that this is her first holiday album in a 40-plus-year career. Reverential string arrangements bolster "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," "I'll Be Home for Christmas" and "White Christmas," while big-band swing infuses "Cool Yule," "I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm" and a jazzed-up "Winter Wonderland"/"Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!" medley featuring Johnny Mathis.

Elsewhere, Midler revisits her Hawaiian roots with "Mele Kalikimaka" and puts a holiday spin on her antiwar classic "From A Distance." Pretty standard stuff, but since it's Bette Midler, the collection emphasizes spice over schmaltz.