Best Thing About 2006
One-hundred percent specious-centennial free!
Takeaway Lesson of 2006
Groping a cocktail waitress can be the way out of a political scandal. That Jim Gibbons—grabby like a fox!
The Difference Between Martyrdom and Inexplicable Loyalty is Press Coverage
Dario Herrera's long-suffering wife, Emily, stuck by him during the G-Sting trial. "Throughout the two-month trial," the R-J wrote in August, "Emily Herrera endured hours of testimony about her husband's sexual escapades with employees from Galardi's clubs. She walked out of [the] courthouse hand-in-hand with her husband ..."
Could Double as Olympic Sport!
"We're going to be attacking [Lance] Malone from the beginning of the trial to the end of the trial." —Jerry Bernstein, Dario Herrera's attorney
Most Accurate Description of Working with Federal Agencies
"It's like yelling into a big, dark, empty hole." —Sheriff Bill Young, on dealing with the Department of Homeland Security
It's Like Yelling into a Big, Dark, Empty Hole
"Hello, I'd like to speak to someone at Embarq about my telephone bill."
It Is a Big, Dark, Empty Hole
Early this year, a 2-foot hole in a North Las Vegas overpass snarled I-15 traffic.
In Fairness, We Pay Teachers So Little Here
Las Vegan Jeanette Vidal, a substitute teacher, was charged with smuggling heroin as part of an international ring.
Appalling Numbers of the Year
152: Murders as of December 19
10+: Deaths for which Metro was responsible as of July
28: Officer involved shootings as of December 19
10-15: Number of teens involved in April beatings at MGM Grand
300,000 daily: Barrels of gasoline we need to pump into Las Vegas by 2020
$328,900: Median price for a home in Las Vegas
$500: For a bottle of Ketel One and a stool to sit on in a top nightclub.
10: Members of first graduating class of UNLV's dental school caught falsifying patient records in order to graduate.
Appalling Annotation to Appalling Numbers of the Year
Those 10 cheating dental students were allowed to graduate.
The Difference Between Accepting a Perk and "Erring on the Side of Caution" is Press Coverage
Harry Reid said this year he will no longer accept free boxing tickets, even though doing so isn't, you know, wrong.
The Year in Quotes
• "I'm not going to dignify that crap. It's just stupid." —Sig Rogich, November 1, R-J, responding to stupid crap
• "A lot of that crime is not reported to us as well as I'd like. I mean, I'm not going to hide behind it, it's Hispanics.
They're leery of the police. They don't use banks as much as we'd like. It's led to a lot of crime that could
be prevented." —Sheriff Bill Young, November 9, Weekly
• "Everyone has down years. We have down decades." —University chancellor Jim Rogers, November 22, R-J, on UNLV's athletic programs
• "I think they are just the right amount of humor." —Water chief Pat Mulroy, October 26, R-J, on the Water Authority's ads that show a water-waster getting kicked in the crotch
• "I just got unhospitalized. I have to go." —County Recorder Fran Deane, June 14, R-J
The Year in Oscar Quotes
• "You wouldn't bring this home to your girlfriend unless your girlfriend was into crack." —On small roses sold in convenience stores in tubes commonly used to smoke crack
• "Tell Steve Miller he can suck my big toe." —Directing Miller, a former city councilman turned gadfly and Goodman nemesis, to treat his digit like a lollipop; Miller chided Goodman for voting on an item involving Rizzolo
• "It wouldn't be in the hot sun or anything. Let him sit out there for an hour, people can come by and put some paint on his head, and let him walk around like that for a week or two." —Proffering another form of punishment for people caught tagging.
• "A mayor without showgirls ain't nothing." —Shilling during an event promoting the NBA All-Star Game coming to Vegas in February 2007
• "I feel sorry for the fella. He's a little fella." —Dissing political columnist Jon Ralston, who has skewered Goodman's record on homeless issues
• "It's hard to be humble when you're me, but I found it a very pleasing experience to be talked to and asked about the United States Senate." —Noting that Democratic heavy hitters, wanted him to run for a federal office
• "The county, it's like a prostitute almost, haggling about price. They're saying, it's okay to have this funding gap to have this arena without a professional team, but if we have a professional team, it's going to cost more. To me, that's silliness." -Fomenting intergovernmental squabbles with county leaders who don't want to use taxpayer subsidies to fund a $405 million sports arena
Thank God Someone's Minding the Important Issues
• The Nevada Bar tried to force attorney Glen Lerner to stop promoting himself as the heavy hitter, suggesting he call himself a heavy hitter.
• In March, state transportation officials fretted that roadside crosses on Blue Diamond Road, honoring crash victims, might distract drivers.
In Fairness, Organizers Were Using Outdated Chicago Teamsters Math
7,000-8,000: Police estimates of participants in spring immigration march on the Strip
80,000-100,000: Estimates by march organizers
If You Looked Hard Enough, You Could See a Second Grab Man on the Grassy Knoll Outside Bahama Breeze
The Las Vegas Sun ran an extensive aerial map of Gibbons and Mazzeo's path around McCormick & Schmick's.
Vegas 2006 Stories that Will End Up as Movies of the Week
• Heather Tallchief turns herself in after 12 years on the lam in a casino heist. Gets 63 months. Could've gotten away with it. (Network: TNT)
• Beefcake bodybuilder Craig Titus and wife Kelly Ryan are arrested for killing their friend and burning her in the back of a Jaguar in the desert. (HBO)
• Callous gubernatorial candidate brazenly fondles innocent cocktail waitress instead of discussing his apparent employment of illegal immigrants, wins election thanks to paternalistic anointment culture. (Lifetime Network)
• Plucky gubernatorial candidate has a little innocent fun with cocktail waitress, rallies to save political career from PC media onslaught. (Spike TV)
Normally They Just Shoot
From a Review-Journal account of the arrest of fugitive polygamist Warren Jeffs: "[Officer Dutchover] could see an artery in the passenger's neck pulsing through his skin. Dutchover called for backup."
Things We're Tired of Commenting On
The real-estate slump
G-Sting
High-rise condos and the promise of clean urban living
Poker swallows the universe
Brittany McComb, high school valedictorian with a speech to grind, as symbol of cruel secular bureaucracy sticking it to universe's most powerful being
Huntridge Circle Park
The bickering over the precise nature of the Arts District
Underappreciated Newsmakers
If you've got a homeless person, you've got a story!
Overappreciated Newsmaker
Political corruption. Sigh.
Goodbye To
Andre Agassi as a tennis star
Deciding whether latest G-Sting testimony merits cheap titters or fear for future of democracy
Clint Holmes' show
Thom Reilly as county manager (after 5 years)
Thom Reilly as university system employee (after 3 1/2 weeks)
Carol Harter as UNLV president
The $5.15 minimum wage
The growing irrelevance of the Rio (thanks, Prince!)
Prince as enigmatic superstar
The Stardust
Words of the Year: A Glossary
Ambassador: noun; hot chick selling the unsellable, as in "Las Vegas Monorail Ambassadors."
Nadelstern: noun; a variety of New York chicken, known for petulant backpedaling. Colloquially, to Nadelstern is to give up at the first sign that you won't be universally embraced.
Truthiness: noun; "Truth that comes from the gut, not books," according to Stephen Colbert and Merriam-Webster.
Vertigo: noun; a condition that causes corrupt politicians to forget salient details of their own corruption without impairing their functionality as prosecution witness. See also "Kenny, Erin."
Merely Caught Her When She Tripped: verb; to put the moves on a drunk woman in a parking garage.
Inquest: noun; a dramatic show that's a big waste of time.
Church: verb; to establish a fake place of worship next to a strip club in order to screw up the zoning and promote your own ungodly interests nearby. As in, "Let's church Crazy Horse Too."
Non-Lexus Items that Parked Themselves in 2006 Jim Gibson's gubernatorial campaign.
UNLV's Midtown project.
Coroner's inquest reform.
National Trend Nevada Skipped
Let's all go out and elect a Democrat
Destined to Fight For Next Year's Most Boring Public Official Title
Gibbons
That guy who won the sheriff's race
2006's Most Residentially Questionable Politicians
Lynette Boggs McDonald—beautiful home outside the district? Or small old house inside the district?
Jack Carter—Nevadan? Carpetbagger? Carpet salesman? International man of mystery?
Best Reason to Look Forward to 2007
Second consecutive year without specious centennial!