Interracial romance is common enough now that recent movies like Guess Who? and Something New seem as dated as Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? But Something New insists on taking us to a world where a black woman dating a white man is unfathomable, as indicated by the perpetually gaping jaws of the woman's friends and family (and her own frequently voiced disbelief as well). But Something New has a message, and it's determined to get that message across, so it's nestled it in the comfortable padding of your standard romantic comedy.
We meet Kenya (Sanaa Lathan), who's emotionally detached but secretly desperate for love to warm her icy exterior. Enter Brian (Simon Baker), the world's nicest guy. He's a real man: outdoorsy, drives a pickup truck, isn't afraid to kiss his dog (a golden retriever—the official nice-guy dog). "I'm a landscaper," he says. "I take hard soil and make it blossom." Wink, wink. But Kenya just isn't into it. Maybe it's because she lives in a world where it's absurd to date white guys. Or maybe she just doesn't like being compared to dirt.
So even though the two are clearly meant for each other, Kenya is determined to wait for her IBM (Ideal Black Man), who must merely be college-educated and taller than her. And since Something New has lifted its plot from the one and only rom-com playbook, you can count on her IBM showing up to complicate things by the end of the second act.
In the meantime, the film talks about race. In every scene. The movie is so forcefully black and white, it's a surprise the camera successfully filmed it in color. In the world of this film, subtlety would be more shocking than a white guy and black girl getting it on. By the end, the characters can only communicate in speeches about racial equality.
The race messages are so overdone, you'll spend the last 20 minutes rolling your eyes as each and every character overcomes his exaggerated prejudice. Aside from that, there are a couple of cute scenes and a few chuckles, but most of it we've all seen before. When Blair Underwood shows up, not only will you see it coming like clockwork, but you'll already know exactly who he is, and what purpose his cog will serve. That's hardly what the title promised.