Playing Electroplankton is like examining seawater under a microscope. Initially there's a sense of wonder surrounding the microscopic organisms you find, but after about 10 minutes, you get bored and just want to go swimming. And despite your discovery, you won't think twice about peeing in the ocean.
This game presents you with 10 tiny aquatic critters that react musically when you touch them. That's all the game does. It "presents" them to you. There are no objectives, and even the best compositions you squeeze out of these weak instruments are fleeting and pointless because you can't save them.
It's as though Nintendo presented you with four cards out of a deck and told you to entertain yourself. Even the most resourceful, creative person would quickly grow bored because there simply isn't enough to work with.
Electroplankton is trying to do something new, and in an industry that's more likely to throw us Mario Party 7 than anything vaguely original, experimentation is admirable. But there's one characteristic in video games that should never be omitted, even if it has been done a million times: fun.
DEAD OR ALIVE 4 (M) (4.5 stars)
Tecmo. Xbox 360
The great thing about the sexpots of Dead or Alive is that even though they could easily get by on their looks—especially with the graphics power of the Xbox 360—they repeatedly earn their reputations for being the best brawlers this side of Tekken. Responsive controls and deep combos make this the best DOA yet. And those looks don't hurt either.
MEGA MAN X COLLECTION (E) (3.5 stars)
Capcom. PlayStation 2, GameCube
Beating a single Mega Man game is a rite of passage that turns button-mashing boys into men. Running a gauntlet of six makes men into gods. This collection of challenging side-scrollers will definitely put hair on your chest, even if the quality of the blue bomber's escapades tapers off during the last couple entries.
APE ESCAPE ACADEMY (E10+) (2 stars)
Sony Computer Entertainment. PlayStation Portable
Leave it to those mischievous monkeys from Ape Escape to screw up the reliable formula of mini-games on-the-go. The PSP's load times last just long enough to break the pace, but not quite long enough to give you a clear tutorial. So you'll have 10 seconds to wait for each game to begin, one second to lose inexplicably, and the rest of the day to exchange this title for something better.
Matthew Scott Hunter has been known to mumble, "Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start" in his sleep. E-mail him at
[email protected].