As I sat at my desk, the duties of the day complete, I flipped through the pages of the February issue of Las Vegas Life magazine. The cover boasted the Seventh Annual Epicurean Award winners. It was with a heavy heart that I allowed curiosity to kill my cat, forcing me to peruse all of the delectable delights prepared by talented culinary geniuses in the most romantic restaurants in Sin City.
I was heavyhearted because, let's face it, I haven't exactly been on the upswing when it comes to love and with doomsday staring at my face, page after page, restaurant after restaurant, advertisement after advertisement seemed to be mocking me for missing one key ingredient in my otherwise full, happy and independent life: I don't have a Valentine.
Ugh ... I sighed as I thumbed through the magazine. I know it's a ridiculous, asinine, impractical, juvenile, stupid, daft, trivial, meaningless, mindless, puerile, senseless, pointless, inane, made-up holiday, but damn it all to hell if I don't feel like the biggest loser for not having someone special to shower and be showered by with silly sentiments.
Being a glutton for punishment, I set the magazine down for a brief moment and said to my cubicle mate and good buddy, Spencer, "OK, tell me what fantastically romantic plans a man with a built-in date has put together for Valentine's Day. You taking that beautiful wife of yours our for a candlelit dinner for two followed by an evening of champagne and nookie?"
"Huh?" he answered distractedly. "Valentine's Day? Humph! She had a great Christmas." And with that, he turned his attention back to his computer.
I was rendered speechless for a moment before carefully offering my advice. "Um, Spence ... you may seriously want to rethink that. Christmas is long gone and if you don't want to be spooning your wiener dog on the couch while your wife sobs in her pillow because she's feeling slighted that you suddenly take her for granted and couldn't be bothered to plan a special evening for the two of you ... well, I'm just sayin'."
"Yeah, yeah, you're probably right. You think it's too late to get reservations somewhere?"
I shook my head. Men! "Lance," I shouted over my cubby, "What have you got planned for Valentine's Day?"
"Nothing yet," he answered, "It's like 10 days away."
"Seven," I corrected.
"Plenty o' time!" he said. "I may be a procrastinator but I always come through in the end." I smiled at his response.
I spun around. "Tobin," I said, "tell me what you're going to do for Valentine's Day."
"Shhhh ... it ... um ... hell, I don't know. Why? You have any suggestions?" he asked hopefully. I rolled my eyes.
That's when I saw it, page 112, "Gifted Spouse" by none other than my editor and pal, Scott Dickensheets. The opening sentence grabbed my attention. "When your wife's birthday falls on February 14, Valentine's Day is the ultimate challenge."
Suddenly, I felt compelled to help. If all the married or spoken-for men around me are struggling to come up with creative ideas to make their sig-oths feel special just to meet the pressures surrounding V-Day, Scott must be out of his head with the added weight of the combination of the two dates coinciding!
I grabbed my pen and started scribbling down some notes. I wanted to help, wanted to assist in making sure his beautiful wife of 20 years, the woman of his dreams who manages to juggle raising their three teenage sons, taking care of their home and working on her second master's degree would have the best Birthentine's Day ever! Truth be told, I was secretly hoping that by helping Scott out I'd not only be able to take my mind off the fact that I'm a lonely loser, but maybe I'd rack up some sorely needed relationship karma points.
My notes included silly, sentimental, cost-effective ways to show his love and affection. I think a common misconception is that you have to blow a ton of dough in order to make a lasting impression. Not true! All you need is a little creativity, time and integrity, meaning you actually have to follow through on what you promise.
For instance, something as simple as a card in which you take time to write some mushy-gushy sentiments is very thoughtful and appreciated, but if you were to add to that a handwritten coupon that reads: "Good for one full body massage given by yours truly, body lotions and potions included," that would definitely take it up a notch. Of course, "Good for one free vacuuming, dusting, mopping, dishwashing, gas pumping, steak dinner and full body massage" would do ya one better.
Now, believe you me, any woman with a full schedule will appreciate that more than you could ever imagine, probably enough to ensure she feels compelled to do that thing you like. Other favorites include a bottle of her favorite wine, candles, chocolates and a little Barry White to help burn off the excess calories; even a woman on a diet deserves just a little slice of heaven now and again.
As my list grew, so did my excitement. Within 10 minutes I had a basket of goodies from Déjà vu's Love Boutique and a box of Desage Chocolates in hand. The rest would be up to my good friend Mr. Dickensheets.
Sonja is a writer who covers the ins and outs of relationships. Or is it the ups and downs?