GRAY MATTERS

Go figger: Sin City has provided the setting and fodder for what seems like every other cheesy reality show on television, and this is how they repay us? A grand total of ONE stinkin' nomination from the Golden Globes committee and the Screen Actors Guild for the two hour-long series that actually provide prime-time drama of the quality kind? CBS' CSI: Crime Scene Investigation was cited only for ensemble acting in a drama series by SAG, which overlooked leads William Petersen and Marg Helgenberger for individual acting kudos (Neither SAG nor the Globes recognize supporting actors in ongoing TV series), while NBC's Las Vegas was out-and-out snubbed by SAG. (Couldn't Jimmy Caan qualify as Scariest Actor in a Drama Series? Molly Sims for Best Gams? Nikki Cox for Best Chest? Vanessa Marcil for Best Facial Mole?) Both series were denied any action at all at the Golden Globes, shut out in the best drama series, actor and actress categories. The only piddly, indirect GG love we received, connected to our town's eternal mascot, was a supporting actor nod, in a TV miniseries or movie, to Randy Quaid for the miniseries Elvis.

The Globes will be handed out Monday, with the Saggies following on January 29. But we won't be watching.

A popular joke website, www.bonsaikitten.com, purports to be the online presence of a company that has revived the lost Asian art of "body modification in housepets" and uses it to grow kittens inside glass containers. Apparently, some folks thought it was a real business and began an online petition to have the site taken down. Apparently, it worked. And apparently, it's back, which means another online petition has apparently begun, started by Canadian Vicky Prat. Here is the current number of American idiots, broken down by state, and just for fun, how they cast their votes in 2004:

Michigan: 154 (Kerry: 51 percent)

Washington: 29 (Kerry: 53 percent)

California: 29 (Kerry: 54 percent)

Ohio: 2 (Bush: 51 percent)

Pennsyl-vania: 1 (Kerry: 51 percent)

New York: 1 (Kerry: 58 percent)

Georgia: 1 (Bush: 58 percent)

Ah, employee suggestion forms. They act as a release valve for worker frustration, a barometer for upper management and a never-ending fount of anonymous griping, praising and pranking. (Boss, we're only guessing about that last one, as we take the whole procedure quite seriously.) With their ubiquity in corporate America, it only makes sense that companies would manufacture custom suggestion forms. But was it really necessary to get the lawyers involved? Here at the Weekly, our forms are brought to us courtesy of the fine folks at G. Neil and are, yes, "attorney approved." What makes an employee suggestion form "attorney approved," you might wonder. Read the fine print: "G. Neil assumes no responsibility for the employer's use of this form or any decision the employer makes which may violate local, state or federal law. By selling this form, G. Neil is not giving legal advice. The purchaser of this form is granted a limited license to photocopy the completed form for its internal use only. Any other photocopying or reproducing in any form, whether in whole or in part, is strictly prohibited."

Gosh, does that mean this Gray Matters needed to be vetted first?

One of the best, non-stripper-related Philly cheesesteaks in town (the stripper-related one has to be the Spearmint Rhino's) is surprisingly enough from Nathan's Famous outlet in the Venetian's food court. Great bread, fresh veggies (yes, it's not a traditional Philly—sue us), tasty cheese and more meat than at a Texas barbecue. Along with the cheesesteaks, and we suppose the hot dogs though we haven't tried those yet, Nathan's boasts of several claims to fame. One of them is that the New York-based chain began serving Coca-Cola back in 1916, making it Coke's oldest chain customer. Which begs the question: Why does the Venetian location only serve Pepsi products?

James Howard Kunstler can't help himself—dude just hates Vegas. He laid it on pretty heavy in his 2003 book The City in Mind, in which he titled his chapter on Vegas "Utopia of Clowns." He's back with more of a pinprick: On his website, kunstler.com, the polemicist dubs Las Vegas the Eyesore of the Month for January. It's not clear why he singled out this month, but he's unambiguous about why he singled out this city: Christianity isn't this nation's major religion, he crabs. "It is the Worship of Unearned Riches, and Las Vegas is its holy city." This has turned us into a nation of "slobs, clowns, patsies and cravens. Las Vegas is what we have become. Is it any wonder that the rest of the world despises us?"

Please, fan yourself, Mr. Kunstler! To the best of our recollection, the Iraq war—the current reason the world despises us—wasn't launched from Las Vegas.

From the teasters on the front of Sunday's Review-Journal:

In big type: "Competitors tap stamina to survive in beer pong"

In very small type beneath: "Six finalists named in school district's search for superintendent"

Sad thing is, the phrase "beer pong" probably does move more papers than the search for someone to lead our school district.