Guv reverses self, calls for cuts to elementary education to balance budget. All the while singing “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch” under his breath.
Melees disturb high-school campuses. “I thought I cut the high-school melee budget,” confused Guv responds.
Celine performs tearful final show. Later dries eyes with wads of $100 bills.
Pam Anderson files for divorce after two months, then decides to save marriage. Damn! (We had $50 on the under.)
Tort-reform group says LV attracts personal-injury lawyers just trying to get rich. Noooo! So everything we’ve believed has been a lie?
Zagat: At $44 average per person, Vegas is most expensive restaurant city. Whatever; we’re still struggling with the news about greedy lawyers.
LV Plumbers, Pipefitters and Refrigeration Workers union endorses Biden. “Plumbers and pipefitters would have been enough,” grateful candidate gushes. “But refrigeration workers, too? Color me giddy!”