By Matthew Scott Hunter
SHREK THE THIRD (E10+)
**1/2
Activision
Wii
Once upon a time, there was a game called “Shrek the Third.” This game suffered from an evil curse called the movie tie-in -- a wicked spell that forced game developers to rush uninspired titles to stores so that they may coincide with the film release. There were two variations on this curse: the generic platformer and the mini-game collection. Poor Shrek fell prey to both. Rather than the game design cleverly evoking the spirit of the movie, it merely thrust the characters into tired, pre-established video game formats. So Shrek and company were forced to collect coins and kick ass (except Donkey, who’s an ass that kicks) through many bland and overly familiar levels, then play through the party games, which bore not a hint of challenge.
Children who wish only to see their favorite Shrek characters will likely enjoy the game and its hyperactive motion controls, but older players should banish this game to the land of Far, Far Away or any land that is far, far away. Then they’ll live happily ever after. The End.
TONY HAWK’S DOWNHILL JAM (E10+)
**1/2
Activision
PlayStation 2
“Downhill Jam” tries to put a racing game spin on the “Tony Hawk” franchise, and like a cool skate trick down a flight of stairs, this idea seems great in theory but in execution is often as annoying as a handrail to the groin. The tricks that “Tony Hawk” fans know and love have been severely dumbed down, and many of the racing levels are disorienting. This was all forgivable on the Wii, but on the PS2 with its standard controller, we can’t help but remember what it’s like to play a real “Tony Hawk” game.
DRIVER ’76 (M)
**1/2
Uisoft
PlayStation Portable
In its latest attempt to emulate “Grand Theft Auto,” the “Driver” series takes us back to the funkadelic ‘70s. But this is more “Starsky and Hutch” than “GTA.” The disco-era setting and comic book presentation are solid, but the gameplay is overly simplistic, frequently asking you to merely drive from point A to point B within a set amount of time. And with abundant in-game load times, even those missions can try your patience.
7 WONDERS OF THE ANCIENT WORLD (E)
**
MumboJumbo
PlayStation Portable
It’s always amusing when a puzzle game endeavors to have some sort of story going on to justify the puzzle. I doubt anyone ever plays “Bejeweled” and says, “This doesn’t make sense. Why would I be getting rid of these precious gems? If only there was a story to explain this …” But if indeed there are people who feel this way, this “Bejeweled” rip-off is for them. I suppose “7 Wonders” offers a story as an incentive to play. Personally, I would’ve preferred fun gameplay as an incentive.
When Las Vegas Weekly contributor Matthew Scott Hunter realized his career as a lab technician was seriously interfering with his gaming, he pink-slipped himself into a successful career as a freelance writer. Bug the hell out of him at [email protected]