Dressed like the Lone Ranger gone deranged, TV Sheriff’s the rootin’-tootin’-est video-mixer this side of the law. He cuts up sugary television material, splices it into his own goofy-ass raps and force-feeds the audience until they’re so gorged on this country’s finest export they want to puke. He don’t do too good at spellin’, but when it comes to culture-jamming, he and his Trailbuddies (Video Ape and the Prospector) really, um, jam.
What are you the sheriff of?
TVs!
In television, the market seems to govern itself—if a show is bad, it gets shut off. What laws are you enforcing?
We is UNforcing the UNIVERSAL LAWS of the UNITED COMMON DECENCY when it comes t’bringin’ down VIDJOE JUSTICKS on these mind meltin’ TV PROMO GRAMMERS thatter messin’ up the good people of this here boeutifulled land. SHAMES I SAY and HARRRRRR-DOOOOOOON’T!!!!
People in Las Vegas get busted most for meth, prostitution and money scandals. What are the biggest problems in TV land?
UNauthorized HYPNOtizin’, UNwatchertibility, and UNder O-chievement in Televised ENTRANtainment!
What’s up with that gun? What other arms do you use to fight the good fight?
My trusted sidearm is a Video Commander 900—my wrong go right fixin’ remote CONtroller—and it’s UNI-VERSITLE too. It’ll zap a channel faster than you can say YAAAAAHHH-BAAAAA!!! and it’ll done do the DVDVDV too.
What differentiates you from a standard VJ who does live mixing?
Well, I tend to yell “HAROOOOOOYAYAYABAHEEEEEHAWR!!!!” a lot and a MONKEY/DONKEY named VIDEOAPE mans (apes) the darn dertlin’ DJ boofs while a knarled and burled VIDJOE GOLD PROSPECTOR master mixes mad up on an Edirol V-4TV disco machine.
Who are Video Ape and the Prospector?
VIDEOAPE is a PINK WESTERN DIAMONDBACK MONKEYDONKEY who rocks your dance party out on the dance floor with his DJ Boofs and bodypop. PROSPECTOR CHANNEL 49er is a curled old hootnabbler of a vidjoe miner—who busts it on the VJ maxi-mixer olde-tyme style-like. Together they make one great taste that is incredibly delicious with over 47 flavo-nutrients. Now with free shipping!
Is anyone on your side, or are you guys a rogue force?
The PEOPLES is on our side!! TV needs a fixin’—WE MUST REMIXXEN!
Who are your biggest enemies?
MSNBCIABCBS and a dumb show called PAID PROGRAMMING.
What’s been your most intense showdown?
Well that there is a hard one t’say—let’s just say Danny DeVito is a fierce dueler, and I hold him in great honor for the intensity this man has in battle. An incredible fighter, a powerful actor capable of fooling you in an instant with his laser-precision performance, he is and always will be a tangled tussle and a half for any video lawman that crosses his path. To be honest, the man still gives me shivers.
Have you ever been beaten by an opponent?
Again, Danny DeVito. The man has what it takes to circumvent the unwritten video laws and laugh as he does it. We are now working for him on his new ad campaign pitch. This one’s gonna be B-I-G!!
You’ve been doing this for a while now. There must be a lot of outlaws.
We done been ridin’ the teletrails now for eight hot desert winters—there’s always be vidjoe varmints to rope on up, horizontal hold-hustlers to harangue and teleswindlers to tell off, and me and my stubtastic trailbuddlers gots t’keeps the peace! YAAAA-HAWRRRR!!!!
TV Sheriff performs June 12 at midnight at Rockhouse inside the Imperial Palace, as part of CineVegas.