You can learn a lot from looking at the registered voter database. You can check on friends’ and acquaintances’ political party registrations. This can turn out to be quite interesting, like when you find out a friend who voted for Bush in 2004, after experiencing the clusterf--k that was his first term, turns out to be a registered Democrat! Nothing is more disheartening than a Democrat who voted for Bush; it suggests some sort of deeper inner conflict that very well may be a sign of a mental disorder. Likewise, when you look up one of your most intelligent and reasonably well-informed friends whom you always discuss politics with, often finding common ground, only to discover that he is a registered Republican. Oh, the places you’ll go, once you begin look up people’s party affiliations!
Illustration by Robert Ullman
Which is exactly what I had the opportunity to do during the Las Vegas municipal election primary in April. Among my friends, the most interesting trend was the number of “mixed” couples; couples where one is registered Democrat and the other Republican or, even worse, non-partisan. A real quick word about non-partisanship: Okay, we get it. You’re too independent, too cool for school. Nobody from either party gets you (like you are so f--king out of the box), so you’re going to show them. The only problem is, for better or worse, we’re a two-horse race in this country. I’m not counting you f--k nuts in the Independent American Party, although I would love to find out more about the SuperHappy Heterosexual Evolving Robots & Neuroscientific Party (are they against the unhappy, gay robots?). If you want to debate the two-party system’s effectiveness, that’s another matter, and I would probably end up agreeing with you in principle. By all means, be independent in your thinking and contribute to the diversity of thought that both parties so desperately need, but maximize your individuality as a Democrat or Republican in order to leverage your political capital with others in each respective party. Registering non-partisan is like being asked which ice cream you like, chocolate or vanilla, and responding, “steak.” It also keeps you out of primaries, where the whackos from both parties decide whom we all have a choice to vote for in the generals.
What struck me most about these relationships was who was the Dem and who was the Rep (give us straight people a break, we don’t have the option of deciding who’s a top and who’s a bottom, or maybe in some kinky political way, this is how we do it). I look at my friends Chelsea and Dave, and they’re easy. She’s a speech pathologist and he’s an importer/exporter/entrepreneur. She’s the Dem, he’s the Rep. A little more difficult are my friends Clinton and Erika. He’s named after my favorite prez, and he talks like a Blue Dog (conservative Democrat), yet he’s the one who’s registered Republican. Then there’s my personal favorite, John and Alex. He’s an outspoken lawyer, food critic and radio commentator. She’s a low-key patron of the arts and hip chick about town, yet I would have never guessed that she is the one who’s registered Republican. In her defense, she admits it’s just out of laziness; it’s what her parents were registered, and she usually votes for Dem candidates (turns out John, although jaded about politics in general, is still a Dem). I also like the frankness offered by my attorney friends Sandra and Mark (she’s the Dem, he’s the Rep). “I vote to cancel out his vote,” she says. Finally, just to throw one of those non-partisans in the mix, my friends Garald and Deb surprise the hell out of me that they’re not both Dems. Garald is one of the most liberal guys I’ve ever known, but he just won’t characterize himself as a Dem (sounds like me before I met my wife, except he’s about 10 years older than I was).
I also had some fun with names on the voter database. Some things added up just the way I figured. The majority of Reids were registered Democrats, and practically all the Ensigns were Republicans. As were the Porters, and people with the first name Adolph. (Interesting side note: no Hitlers. Have you ever noticed how you never run into Bob or Larry Hitler? That name has been ruined for all eternity.) Another interesting observation is that, based on people named Jesus, Moses, and Mohammed, we’ll never have to worry about a holy war breaking out in ol’ Sin City. Over half the folks named Jesus, and virtually all those named Moses and Mohammed, are registered Democrats. Talk about solidarity, the brotherhood of man and all that. I am a little worried about the one Mohammed who is a registered Republican. He must feel pretty disenfranchised from his own party, what with the recent climate of fear-baiting and anti-Muslim sentiment interwoven into the War on Terror, as it is managed by a Republican administration (brought to you by the same GOP that is supposed to have such a big tent). He should come over to the Dems, or change his name to Bob or Larry (perhaps Adolph).
You can have fun with voter registration records too! All you have to do is go to the Clark County Elections Board website at www.co.clark.nv.us/election/home.asp, type in your friend, acquaintance, or enemy’s name, along with their birthday, and you can find out who’s walking the walk as well as talking the talk politically, and whether their walk indeed jives with their talk.