Ah, summertime. That means road trips. I just took my first jaunt of the season north on Highway 93 to Sun Valley, Idaho. Along the way such on a long drive, one has to stop and eat.
As I headed north from Vegas, I noticed a specific culinary theme developing.
In the green and lush (by Mojave Desert standards) Pahranagat Valley near Alamo, I noticed a lot of beef on-the-hoof strolling and munching hay. Then, along the rocky Pahroc Pass, I espied one of the many yellow and black “Open Range Cattle” signs to be seen throughout Nevada. And just outside of Caliente I was caught on a non-passing, curvy lane behind a delivery vehicle bearing the Wonder Bread logo.
There are hamburger buns inside that truck, I said to myself.
Caliente – with cheese, please
I pulled into the old railroad town of Caliente. It boasts a historic Mission Style colonnaded train station. Close by and also across the tracks from Highway 93 lies a ramshackle old boardwalked street.
In one of the weathered side-by-side buildings I finally met up with the Brandin' Iron. I'd been told of the Brandin' Iron and its regionally famous burgers by a few friends for years.
Inside the Brandin' Iron, it's all true West. There are herd symbols and ranching family names burned artfully into the thick, wood-paneled walls. Nashville plays from a boom box by the kitchen. It's a clean and well-maintained restaurant, though, hewing to a hard-work ethic inside that's belied by a weathered exterior.
I went classic with the place's cheeseburger (even though a fancy blue cheese job was the special of the day) and some potato chips as a side to keep things somewhat “driving light.”
It came out in true form, big and round. The lettuce, tomato and onion were substantial, fresh and perfectly stacked. It was a very pretty burger. And tasty, too.
I asked when paying – in a moment of naiveté – if the beef was local. No, the waitress/cashier informed me, the patties were from Costco. My parents were franchisees of one of the major international hamburger restaurant chains, and I know that our beef was carted in frozen from all parts in the hemispheric distribution chain. But, in my wistful traveling mind-set, I thought that the cows I saw an hour earlier might actually be nourishing the Caliente crowd someday and that I had chomped on their antecedents in a good local, slow food chain way.
I was informed that there are no beef processing plants in the region, and that the even the local cattle are carted off to California to winter (it gets pretty cold just north of Vegas). It turns out that in this age of modern transportation that hamburger beef really has legs all over.
Satisfied in stomach and edified in mind, I headed north.
Make mine a Miner
On my way back south from Idaho toward Vegas, I stayed at the historic and charmingly cool Hotel Nevada in Ely. This six-story brick beauty is like Times Square for a huge swath of eastern Nevada and western Utah. 
It's the tallest, most electrified extravaganza around for hundreds of miles – it's a real center for travelers and tourists, too. The Hotel Nevada's cafe also boasts one of the most decked-out décor collections in the West. All its walls bear manifold photos, mementos and trinkets of Americana, especially of mining, pioneer and ranching history. For my part, I sat under a wall bearing photos of famous boxing champions of the past century and before, some even autographed.
I ordered the town's favorite burger (I'd asked around). Said favorite would be the Miner. It arrived in a red plastic basket, all wrapped-up in waxed paper with a big bowl of house-shredded coleslaw to the side. It looked normal in size – almost demure – until I unfolded the package and the top bun flipped back to reveal two substantial patties covered with rashers of thick bacon. I was informed by the waitress that the special sauce is made in-house, too. Wow.
Is the Hotel Nevada's mother lode Miner the best burger in Ely? I'd strike a claim that it is ... even if one can only eat two-thirds of it even while hungry.
Will travel far, far away for wimpies
Stomach still full three hours later from my Ely dining, I made an adventurous gastronomic decision at the Hiko junction. I'd take the 80-mile round-trip detour to visit the Extraterrestrial Highway, the tiny town of Rachel and the Little A'Le'Inn restaurant for the first time.
At the funky Little A'Le'Inn, I walked into a different kind of American West. The Talking Heads were playing on the bar's stereo. I checked out the many photos and newspaper clippings of UFO encounters attached to on the walls. I admired the numerous little green men-related tchochkes and t-shirts for sale.
I encountered a group of British tourists ordering the place's signature Alien burgers (curiously enough, it's the only burger I've seen in a long time that's not flying saucer-like. I guess it takes its shape from the fabled cigar-shaped UFOs and hoagie buns at hand).
I followed the Brits' suit. The oblong Alien burger was savory and great. I ate the whole burger-bearing vessel.
I mused over the bar's many decorative bumper stickers, many denouncing the New World Order and announcing various other conspiracy theories. One anachronistic but still hilarious gem: “Jane: Call Home / 1-800-HANOI.”
OK, I was still in the Wild West – but just outside Area 51 with its special cultural vortices.
Post burger binge breakdown
My first Summer O' '07 road trip was certainly burger-centric. I enjoyed a big, juicy backyard baseball grilled by my sister's freshly minted fiancé at an engagement party/meet-the-families BBQ (nice jobs, Steve, from medium-rare to rare!). I also horked down a wide, low-cholesterol buffalo burger with red wine sidecars at Ketchum, Idaho's famous Pioneer Saloon with a lifelong best friend and his new beautiful belle.
Burgers can accompany the best of occasions and the finest of company, indeed.
In the week since my return to Vegas and the working week, much tofu has been consumed. Gotta make up for this burger bonanza!
LasVegasWeekly.com writer Greg Thilmont is constantly prowling Las Vegas with a notebook, digital camera and videocamera -- along with a mind for interesting happenings. Contact him at [email protected]