By Crystal Starlight
“I’m Okay and You’re Not”: How to deal with everyone else’s crap and still get ahead
Rule #1: Don’t panic
Good advice when applied to rip tides, robberies, earthquakes, fires, involuntary manslaughter, and quicksand. Great advise when applied to deadlines, no shows, unexpected set backs, and other people not as knowledgeable of this rule.
Rule #2: People are miserable. Get used to them trying to pin it on you.
People are chronically unhappy. They’re addicted to wanting, to quick fixes, unhealthy habits, and their ego. They make poor choices in their marriage, thrive on instant gratification, are unhappy with their jobs and lack the initiative to do anything about it. Being young, efficient, and successful can really be thrown back in your face when dealing with clients who, on occasion, wish they were someone else. Particularly clients with overgrown and underfed egos. If you’re young, you must know nothing, and if you know nothing, you must have no comments on how anything works. Enter someone like me. Uncommonly versed in the ways of life and business at a young age, it’s hard to be hired for efficiency and watch everyone run themselves in obsolete circles. Risk intervening and it’s a heavy blow to someone’s ego. Sit quietly and your workload skyrockets with superfluous tasks while your available time goes down. (All of which could have been easily avoided.) It’s the classic conundrum of “Do what you were hired for, versus “Work to preserve egos office-wide?” Well, nowhere in my job description does it say “coddle others’ fictitious self images.”
Rule #3: Don’t be the hero
When thinking you may able to shed some friendly, helpful light on friends and co-workers’ dilemmas, I want you to remember this: “Good Advice, Shmood Advice.” It doesn’t matter how great your advice is, how much time you spent trying to phrase it respectfully, and how much it will really make someone’s life easier. Nobody cares. Everyone you know is going to do dumb things for no reason, waste ridiculous tons of their time and everyone else’s, act appalled when it doesn’t work out and then look for places to throw the blame. Revert to rule number two.
Rule #4: Be your own biggest fan
You could create a fully functional rocket out of toothpicks and orange peels that lands on the moon and it’s quite possible no one would be impressed. In fact, someone might even discredit it completely because you also used Super Glue. A healthy dose of confidence and a dash of arrogance will ensure that the opinions of the naysayers will go mostly unnoticed. After all, who better to love you than you?
Rule #5: Learn to schmooze
Sometimes I think people fabricate random stories because they know I’m already picking up on how boring they are. Either way, I smile and laugh and say, “No way, you did not!” Because let’s face it: No one wants to know what I really think. I give them the benefit of the doubt, slightly believe that they really did used to do whatever at wherever for whoever famous. Make people feel valuable; that’s what everyone wants and it will get you very far.
Rule #6: Detach, detach, detach
“Yes, Susan, I know you want it done Tuesday.”
“Yes, Susan, I understand how important it is.”
“No, I had no idea, Susan. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Mai tai please.”
“You must be under a lot of stress with everything happening, Susan. I’m sure it’s just a phase he’s going through.”
“Oh no, keep the change. And can I get housekeeping sent over to my room before I get back?”
“I understand, Susan. You can count on me.”
“And I’m also out of beach towels.”
“What? Oh, uh, hand towels, Susan. You know … the paper towels, in the bathroom?”
It only takes me about 30 seconds to decide whether or not someone actually has anything valuable to say. If not, I go to Cabo in my head. It’s a good technique as long as nothing in your head comes out of your mouth. And it’s probably the most important technique to remember if you want to keep that sunny disposition. Truth be told, it’s the only way to deal with everyone’s crap and still get ahead. “Detach, detach, detach.” Because, here, the weather is delightful.
Precocious entrepreneur, workaholic and a rabid perfectionist Crystal Starlight knows a thing or two about getting ahead at a young age. Email her at [email protected]