Local
Here comes the judge! Here comes the judge!
District Judge Elizabeth Halverson, who was banned from the Regional Justice Center on May 11 after violating security protocol by allowing her private bodyguards into secured areas, is allowed to return to work today after a ruling on Thursday by the Nevada Supreme Court. We here at LasVegasWeekly.com see this as a good thing, but not because of the embattled judge’s concern over “heightened tensions” in chambers related the heated personnel issues (Halverson feels court administration is against her). We’re just happy all those poor folks who have been standing for seven days waiting for Halverson to tell them to be to seated … Also scheduled to appear at District Court today is none other than the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, at a hearing involving a civil lawsuit he filed. Jackson has been banned by most of society, but apparently not the courtroom. We wonder if his private bodyguards will be allowed into secure areas, too.
National
Heart valve operation didn’t take? Hey, no problem!
The Geisinger Health System hospital group in central Pennsylvania has overhauled its approach to surgery. Taking a cue from the makers of television sets, washing machines and consumer products, Geisinger essentially guarantees its workmanship, charging a flat fee that includes 90 days of follow-up treatment, reports the New York Times. LasVegasWeekly.com sees this as a huge leap forward for the U.S. health system. With patients now on level pegging with television sets, washing machines and consumer products, they can rest easier in the knowledge that one day, their distant descendants may one day be treated by the health industry like, well, human beings. Ah, progress.
Sports
This just in!
CHITTAGONG, Bangladesh -- India won the toss and elected to bat in the first cricket test against Bangladesh on Friday. When we find out what kind of coin was used, we’ll be sure to report tha, too.
WoeBiz
People.com reports that a woman who allegedly tried to barrel Sandra Bullock’s husband, Jesse James, with her Mercedes has been charged with two felonies, assault and stalking. We get the stalking thing. Nobody needs someone hanging around their house, following them to the supermarket, or peeping when you’re doing the nasty. But give the girl a break on the “assault with a deadly weapon” rap. I mean, here’s a guy with the name Jesse James. Here’s a guy who puts himself out there as an iron man. Here’s a guy who supports Sandra Bullock in her “acting” career. LasVegasWeekly.com asserts that whatever term the perp has to serve (and it could be up to four years and eight months), Ms. Bullock should be constrained from having her shit-eating grin on the silver screen. That’s our plea bargain and we’re sticking to it.
Weekend Weather
Probably.