Local
Proposed ordinance is child’s play
It’s every parent’s nightmare. Their teenager starts hanging out with the wrong crowd. The kid eventually caves in to peer pressure to become part of the gang, and then, the unthinkable -- he commits a crime. By the time Mom and Dad find out about it, their child has been charged with a misdemeanor because … he couldn’t resist the swing set. Or those addictive monkey bars. Damn, those childhood vices! Sound absurd? According to a story in today’s Review-Journal, the city of Las Vegas has proposed an ordinance that would make it a misdemeanor for anyone 13 and older to “enter and remain” within 100 feet of children’s play equipment in city parks. There are exceptions, of course, mostly for parents of the 12-and-under non-delinquents who are allowed to populate these parks without fear of having it show up on their permanent record. The proposal, which goes to the city’s Recommending Committee early next month, is intended to protect children, city officials say, but the American Civil Liberties Union called it “ludicrous.” ACLU staff attorney Lee Rowland was quoted by the Review-Journal as saying: "From a common-sense point of view, it's shocking that government would make it so anyone 13 or 18 or above 18 can't lawfully enjoy themselves on a piece of playground equipment. I still enjoy swing sets. Now it's a misdemeanor for me to take a swing? I find that offensive." We at LasVegasWeekly.com conclude that Rowland would probably also like to take a swing at whomever came up with the idea, but anyway, we figure this proposal may be in for a see-saw battle in coming weeks.
National
Rupert Murdoch: “I’m hell-bent on world domination!”*
(* Not an exact quote.)
Rupert Murdoch, the media mogul of all media moguls, just can’t seem to sate his voracious appetite for takeovers. The 76-year-old Australian (now a U.S. citizen), has once again opened his gargantuan wallet, this time breezing it under the noses of the Bancroft family, who control 64 percent of Dow Jones voting stock -- the company that owns a little rag called The Wall Street Journal. The New York Times quotes Murdoch, in a bid to assuage any fears among the Bancrofts that, heaven forbid, he was only after their interests for the sake of profit: “We’ve got journalism in the blood. I’ve tried very hard to imbue my own children with the same thing. It carries special responsibilities.” Murdoch, who has an international record of union busting and ruthless media conglomerations, then uncrossed his fingers and sniggered quietly behind a silk, monogrammed handkerchief. Call us cynics, but we at LasVegasWeekly.com just don’t trust this guy. (However, we reserve the right to change our opinion in the event that he buys us out.)
Sports
“Yankees suck!” -- it’s almost official
For years the “Yankees suck” T-shirt has been the hottest apparel item in Boston. After a very crappy start to the 2007 season (19 wins and 23 losses), the slogan is starting to become a fact. Still, the Yankees are the Yankees, and, despite thin pitching (okay, Roger is on the way), it’s hard to count them out. After all, it’s still only May. But a visit to the Bronx by their hated rivals, the Boston Red Sox, for a three-game series could be telling. Whether you give two squirts of cat piss for either team, this is still exciting stuff. Our suggestion: Run to your bookie right now and throw down your paycheck. You gotta be part of this thing even if it means your kids go hungry for a couple of weeks.
WoeBiz
News flash: Jessica Simpson -- she ain’t no bimbo!
One of the No-BS News’ favorite showbiz targets, Jessica Simpson, has shown up at the Cannes Film Festival to do a thrust-and-parry on the whole bimbo issue. USmagazine.com reports the “singer”-cum-“actress” touched down at the renowned film fest to clear the air on her next feature “Major Movie Star” (which, incidentally, doesn’t even begin production until July 9). Simpson is quoted as saying: “It’s basically this girl who’s a major movie star, who wants to be more respected because she always gets the blonde bimbo parts … And she figures she doesn’t want this life anymore. So she joins the Marines.” Translation: “It’s basically crap. It’s all about me, except the part about wanting to be more respected and not wanting this life anymore.” We can hardly wait for the premiere at Blockbuster.