Local
Gibbons threatens hit on budgets with Uncle “Veto”
Reputed Gov. Jim Gibbons, two-time winner of the “Worst Person in the World” award on MSNBC’s “Countdown,” may be shooting for similar accolades with his pals in the political quagmire known as the Legislature. According to a Review-Journal story, on Tuesday Gibby threatened to veto any budget that does not address what he has determined are critical issues. Critical, that is, to ensuring the Legislature finishes its 120-day session on time. Education funding is a big sticking point, which is fitting, because it appears that despite session after session of political bickering and minimal cooperation, it’s obvious lawmakers still haven’t learned how to make government work.
National
Why we love our jobs…
… basically, it’s because all those “other” news outlets make our jobs so easy. “The New York Times,” the “paper of record” (as opposed to LasVegasWeekly.com, which is the “Web site of record”), reports that one Pete Jordan has parlayed his former career as a dishwasher into literary paydirt. Mr. Jordan, 40, who now lives in Amsterdam (the lucky bastard!), was back in the Big Apple recently promoting his just-published book, “Dishwasher: One Man’s Quest to Wash Dishes in All 50 States.” The “Times” goes on to explain the Jordan dishwashing style: “… extremely wide stance, with his feet well outside his shoulders … dish in left hand … etc., etc., etc.” This story tells us two things:
1/ “The New York Times” is sucking hard for decent material, and, 2/ You can write a book about practically anything and, with a little press coverage, a whole army of knuckleheads will buy it. Actually, it also tells us that, instead of writing this fluff for you kids, we at LasVegasWeekly.com should be putting out books of our own. You know, tomes with catchy titles like: “My Former Life as a Crack House Dancer” and “Dreadful Journalism in Three Easy Steps!” Fame beckons.
International
Adopt a baby, get a house
LasVegasWeekly.com’s international correspondent-on-the-go, Brian “The Blade” Westlake, reports from Australia that a Melbourne great-grandfather has offered a $300,000 home to the mother of an abandoned baby if she comes forward. Former property developer Maurice Jacobson, 89, has offered to buy the woman a flat [apartment] wherever she wants to live if she raises 10-day-old Catherine, who was yesterday sent to foster care for at least three months. “Everyone needs a chance,” Mr. Jacobson said. “Babies should be with their mothers. She's a beautiful little baby, just look at her. As soon as I saw her in the paper I knew I had to help her.” Sidenote: If you’re trying to reach us by phone, our lines might be busy. Our staff is frantically calling Australia to see what Mr. Jacobson might give them if they promise not to throw their own rug rats in Dumpsters.
Sports
The very loooong English soccer season ended a few days ago with Chelsea squeaking home against the famed Red Devils of Manchester United by a margin of 1-0 in extra time of the F.A. Cup Final. Training camp for the new season begins in five minutes.