The Great White Stanhope Bows Out
Vegas-bred comic Doug Stanhope, who performs May 20 at Tommy Rockers, today announced he would no longer seek the Libertarian nomination for President of the United States. As he posted in a message today on his Myspace page:
Stanhope in ’08 has Quit in ’07!
We’re done, at least so far as being a candidate.
For all of our false optimism, forced enthusiasm and the tireless effort of
a small team of close friends, we couldn't get past the wall of bureaucracy.
The Federal Election Commission proved insurmountable in their spiderweb of legal finger-f**king. The idea that I could run an effective campaign rested on the fact that I tour constantly for a living and have a built-in audience and media wherever I go. FEC rules would not allow for me to campaign at paid gigs while also retaining a personal income from those shows.
If I can't recruit from my shows, I'm about as effective as standing on a milk crate in the city park.
Even our crafty attempts at creating our own loopholes in the laws -- like jailhouse attorneys trying to invent and employ makeshift last-minute defenses -- still came up short in the face of the Federal Election Commission.
The system is set up to keep the two-party monopoly as free from competition as possible.
The penalties for f****** up with FEC rules make IRS penalties look like fetish spankings and I f*** up quite a bit.
The other problem was simply in making the whole thing fun. The more rules, paperwork and bullshit we'd run into, the less creative and funny it was becoming. The process started to feel like when we had to “clean it up” for the “Man Show” -- and we all know how well that worked out.
Our intention in this campaign was to try to get media attention for the Libertarian
Party and we have no intention of giving up that campaign. It's frustrating to see this country bordering on totalitarianism and having viable options like the Libertarians completely blacked out.
We'll still put our efforts into getting the LP into the mainstream and eventually get behind a candidate. But it was better to bail now before announcing, as opposed to plowing through with our pants half down only to fall apart later, looking like complete shitheads at the expense of the
Party.
The amount of high-level people that went out of their way to support us was amazing. On the day that we have our shit together -- more organized and better prepared to deal with the powers that be -- we may just take another stab at it.
So jump on board, join the Libertarian Party (www.lp.org) and stay involved. We still plan on making some noise this year and turning the Libertarian National Convention in Denver next May into the Animal House of the Next Revolution.
Be sure to get on our mailing list so you can get involved in the trouble we'll be causing.
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For those of you with “Stanhope in ’08” t-shirts, I promise I will try to die in some horrible fashion that makes them valuable some day.
The one I feel the most responsibility to is the chick who I don't even know, who tattooed Stanhope in 08 on her shoulder.
We'll fly you down to our tattoo guy in Tampa and pay to have it redone when we play there in November. Maybe we can make it say “Sanjaya in ’08.” Or maybe I'll run for a local water commissioner post in ’08 and you’ll look like you're extremely over-zealous about low-level local politics.
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Many people have said that it doesn't matter who you vote for, that the whole game is rigged. That’s why our next project will be to start our own Illuminati, Skull & Bones and New World Order that will secretly control the current New World Order without them even knowing.
Our secret society will be so secret that many of its members will not even know they are members. America has laws against monopolies and there is no reason that there cannot be free market competition when it comes to covert, world-ruling cabals and all-powerful, mystical fraternities.
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My deepest thanks to all who went out of your way for this truncated attempt at giving the whole system the finger. We still intend to say “F*** you!” loudly and repeatedly. We'll just have to find more unique, exciting and unregulated ways to do it.
No matter who is elected to what man-made office or put on whatever throne,
you are still the leader of your own free world.
Stick around.
Stanhope