Local
According to today’s Review-Journal, the judicial executive assistant accused by District Judge Elizabeth Halverson of illegally fixing traffic tickets is suing the judge. Ileen Spoor says the judge has defamed her and lied about her and also is somehow responsible for the strange spelling of Ileen. Court officials are reviewing all of Spoor's e-mails since her hire in January. As of Tuesday, no evidence of illegal activity had been found, though LasVegasWeekly.com was told that several e-mails were uncovered that mentioned staff meetings, routine requests from co-workers, and several spam messages inquiring about enlarging body parts and making big bucks working at home.
National
In a pretty cool story with a really neat graph, “The New York Times” (the staff of which we at LasVegasWeekly.com have challenged to a nude karaoke showdown) is reporting that the gap is widening between the chief executives at major companies and the next W.A.S.P. down the ladder. “It’s total bullshit,” said one No. 2 from a massive chain store famous for terrific prices and snazzy sweatshops, who spoke to us under the condition of anonymity. “I’ve been here almost five months and that jagoff who runs the show is making almost 12.5 mill more than me.” A seething Trevor Wilson (we totally filthed him on the anonymity thing) added, “I’ve got three kids and seven mistresses. I could use an extra 12.5. What am I? Just another dumb white man with a cup in his hand? I don’t think so!” Sadly, Mr. Trevor Wilson of 3838 Pinecrest Ave., in Bentonville, Ariz., was then struck by a car and severely injured. Some might say he was pushed but we don’t see it that way. However, we will hold our journalistic ground and go on record as saying we really don’t like obnoxious rich people very much.
Showbiz News
You’ve been wishing and waiting, and now your dreams are about to come true. A press release spat out of the LasVegasWeekly.com Deluxe GS3 fax machine today telling us that … you better believe it! … Grand Funk Railroad is coming to Vegas! Oh golly, this is better than a footrub from a pasty-faced leper. Two of the original members will be in the Sin City lineup, which also includes some other guys who’ve played in some other bands. Our on-the-spot entertainment reporter, Annie “Getcha Gun” Morosy, spoke by phone with singer/drummer Don Brewer. “Yep, we’ll be singing ‘We’re an American Band’,” said Brewer, who now sports a psychedelic colostomy bag. “But we’ve changed the words a bit. We worked in some lyrics about not being dead, talentless or irrelevant, because, you know, people keep asking us about that stuff.” Get in early, folks. We know our showbiz here at LasVegasWeekly.com, and we’re predicting a ticket stampede on this one.
June 16, Grand Funk Railroad will be playing the Green Valley Ranch Showroom, 4111 Boulder Highway, in Las Vegas. Show time is 8 PM, and tickets range between $32.50 and $47.50. This is a 21 and over show. The public can call 866-264-1818 for more information.
Editor’s Note: The above show details are completely accurate and untampered with, taken from the group’s official press release. A few things to note – they are actually playing at Ovation at the Green Valley Ranch, which is nowhere near Boulder Highway, and not in Las Vegas, either; it’s in Henderson. And yes, we can’t believe anyone would shell out 47 bucks to see these relics either.
Memorial Day Weekend Weather
Our award-winning meteorologist, Boy on the Roof, is out sick today, recovering from a nasty skateboarding accident. But he promises to be in Tuesday and have his Memorial Day weekend weather forecast for you then.