For a time, Hedgehog was left, uh, hanging.
Here’s how it went down for adult film legend Ron Jeremy a few hours ago during the MTV Video Music Awards at the Palms: At about 4 p.m. he hustled into the east entrance of the Palms and, instead of heading to the red carpet that extended across the food court and, past the casino floor and into Pearl Theater, made a hard right into the men’s room near Brenden Theatres.
Waiting outside was his date, adult film star and would-be WWE combatant Summer Haze; and friend/adult film entrepreneur Craig Valentine of New Porn Order, which is a professional wrestling organization that gives new life to such long-lost porn stars as Jim South, Nina Hartley and Teri Weigel (names that must mean something to someone). Valentine said he was “baby-sitting” Jeremy, and had been for the past 14 years because, “he needs it.”
Anyway … where the hell was I?
Oh, Jeremy. Bathroom. So, Ron Jeremy was holed up in the bathroom at Brendan Theatres at the Palms. By the time he disappeared into the loo, the food court was all abuzz with such chatter as, “Ron Jeremy is in the bathroom!” and “Who is that woman with him?” and, “Is this the line to Metro Pizza?” He spent about 10 minutes in there and walked out talking energetically into his cell phone because he did not have a ticket to the show.
Haze said the trio had been to some VMA events, but, “we show up here and Ron doesn’t have his (ticket) waiting for him. How does that happen?” I suggested to Summer – dressed spectacularly in a one-piece pink number with open slats all up and down the sides – that Ron Jeremy should just be allowed to enter because he is Ron Jeremy.
“They’ll let him in. He’s a human lanyard,” I said to Summer, who said, “Not tonight. Not for this show.”
At that point, Jeremy snapped into the phone, “Where do you think we are?! We’re in the theater!” More conversation ensued as Summer explained that she wanted to expand her empire to include matches in the WWE. “The women they have now, they’re just eye candy,” said Summer, who was wearing a sizeable chain around her neck, oversized Dolce Gabbana glasses and seemed about to leap out of that pink dress. “I’m training now. It’s pretty painful.”
The woman knows pain.
Finally, Jeremy summoned the crew, crisis averted, and hit the red carpet. He made it, and not for the first time.
**
Yes, Kid Rock threw a punch at Tommy Lee in the audience during the live show. Rock in a one-punch TKO, is how I heard it described. Shorter than Tyson-Marvis Frazier. … Timbaland’s live appearance at Rain brought an ear-splitting roar, which reminds, does anyone remember the ban on rap acts performing in Vegas that then-Sheriff Bill Young attempted to initiate last year? I just did. Maybe rap’s rep was the reason security was so tight throughout the Palms. I was wanded four times (and no, I did not find a perverse thrill in this inconvenience) … I have no idea why, but bouncers and security men have always called me "Bro." Like, "You can't stand on these stairs, Bro." Or, "You can't leave your drink on that amp, Bro." Or, “Timbaland comin’ through, Bro!” … The MTV production staff was hopped up on an effective mix of attitude, adrenaline and Red Bull, which kept everyone from getting too terribly comfortable. ... A good way to get attention at one of these events is to hustle through the crowd like you're in a massive hurry while shading your face with a handbag or jacket lapel. ... For the show’s first half-hour, the VIP viewing party at Rain was just that. No audio – but plenty of dance music – in that first 30 minutes. … Cheese-a-Palooza: Hanging out with a hundred or so celeb gawkers at the sports book/Brendan Theatres east-side Palm entrance was a guy in a Wisconsin T-shirt and cap. It was Charlie Mehlhaff, father of Badgers’ place-kicker Taylor Mehlhaff, who kicked two field goals (a 27-yarder and a 51-yarder) to help Wisconsin’s football team hold off UNLV 20-13 on Saturday. The elder Mehlhaff said he was staying at the Golden Nugget and had organized a trip for 50 badger boosters to attend Saturday’s game at Sam Boyd Stadium. He was hanging out at the Palms because, “our wives get all googley over this.” … Another Wisconsan was adrift in the sports book, a guy in a Brett Favre jersey who is from Madison named John Lynaugh. His wife was caught up near the red carpet line, he thought. “She was supposed to meet me here a half-hour ago,” said Lynaugh, who won a bunch of money on the Packers’ late victory over Philly … Lots of talk in the how-in-the-hell-did-that-happen-vein from the production crew about the collapsed stage at The Joint during 50 Cent’s appearance Saturday night. ... "Dead" would be the appropriate term to describe business at Hart & Huntington Tattoo. That's how an employee described the action at the studio featured in A&E’s “Inked.” Maybe the tattoo culture is finally running out of canvas space ... The Manhattan rap band Team Facelift cut a distinctive figure at Rain. The most dazzling member, an entity who calls himself Fat Jew, was in a kimono and sneakers, his hair in a kind of Don King cut. The entity known as Teen Wolf wore a sequined cape, and the third Facer -- Karim Fonda -- donned a bright yellow button-down sweater. The crew dressed for the actual show, saying they had been told they would perform during commercial breaks from Pearl Theater. Not so. “But hey, we got a room at the Palms and I get to walk around Rain in a kimono and my undies,” Fat Jew said. “So it’s a good weekend in Vegas.” As he said that, an Asian woman wearing an actual kimono (black with a pink floral pattern and pink bow) walked past. Fat Jew turned and said, “I’ve got to get with her.” And that would close this VMA transmission.
Fabulous Las Vegas appears at this Web site. John Katsilometes can be reached at 990-7720, 812-9812 or at [email protected]