When was the last time you watched The Karate Kid? It holds up a lot better than you think. It’s extremely dated and ’80s, but nothing can be done about that. If the movie were made today, it would probably have its realistic high-school cast replaced by tanned and toned actors about 10 years too old to possibly be in high school. The love interest would have the dimensions and personality of a Penthouse pet. And any possible underlying themes of pacifism would be immediately undone by a title like Never Back Down.
Never Back Down begins the way The Karate Kid did, with lower-class kid Jake (Faris, who has the looks of a young Tom Cruise but none of the accompanying charisma) and his single mother and younger brother moving to yuppie country. By the end of his first day at school, Jake has stumbled into a surreal fantasy world, where everyone looks like a supermodel (except for the one goofy kid who will inevitably become Jake’s sidekick), and the most popular kids beat each other senseless in mixed martial arts brawls, where victory guarantees you a high spot on the social ladder and a kick-ass fight clip on YouTube.
Jake resists fighting for all of 30 seconds before remembering the movie’s title, and then subsequently gets his ass handed to him. But this setback is an expected and essential step in the sports-movie formula, leading Jake to seek out a trainer in the form of Jean Roqua (Hounsou, sporting 10 times the muscle mass of Mr. Miyagi and one-tenth the charm). Through a long series of workout montages, Roqua will teach Jake the necessary moves to take down any opponent, including a punch-punch-kick combo that will invariably be the finishing move in The Big Fight.
Never Back Down is certainly as bad as its Steven Seagal-style title suggests, but I didn’t quite hate it. In fact, there are some unintentionally hilarious moments that almost make the film worth seeing. During a training montage with fast-paced music and even faster action cutting, the scene suddenly shifts to Jake’s mother doing laundry, with the same action editing. Way to go, mom! Those linens got pwned! Then there’s the turbulent relationship between trainer and student, where both men break down into tears far too often for two testosterone-fueled sweat factories. They must be having an adverse reaction to all the steroids. That was never a problem on the set of The Karate Kid.
Never Back Down
* 1/2
Sean Faris, Amber Heard, Djimon Hounsou, Cam Gigandet
Directed by Jeff Wadlow
Rated PG-13