Adult

[AVN/AEE 2015]

Threesome 101: Tips for a successful ménage à trois from the porn convention floor

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The crowd at the Joint during the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo on Thursday, Jan. 16, 2014.
Photo: L.E. Baskow

Sex educator and self-proclaimed slut Reid Mihalko has had over 150 threesomes—and in the world of sexual exploration, there are probably few better than Mihalko to give (helpful and safe) group-sex advice. So when the sex-geek extraordinaire presented his talk, “How to Negotiate a Threesome,” as part of the “Sex is …” AVN Fan Seminars program, you bet people turned up.

Mihalko packed three hours of wisdom into a 45-minute quickie—a crash course for more curious purveyors of kink. Ever wonder how to get a third person to join you in bed—or how to be invited into someone else’s? Want to learn how to get invited back? Start with Mihalko’s guidelines, “take what works for you, and chuck the rest.”

2015 AVN/AEE: Day 1

Identify what a successful threesome looks like to you (and your partner, if you have one). Some “metrics for success” include: You’re not un-friended on Facebook the next day, everybody came and everybody left happy. Similar ways to determine if your shagfest bombed: You’ve been un-friended on Facebook, you can't look at each other the next day and one or more people ends up in the hospital. “Your ability to be clear about what is successful and put it into words will help everybody,” Mihalko says, and will ensure you don’t end up in the un-friend zone. And remember, this is your first rodeo. Pick people who are better at threesomes than you. “Being the Sherpa is going to be a lot more work,” Mihalko says.

Learn how to “embrace the awkward.” But how does one embrace that giant elephant in the room when it's you and your partner getting hot and heavy with a stranger in the mix? Mihalko says to brainstorm when things get awkward. “Suggest something that you would like. If they say yes, initiate. If they hesitate, take that as a no and make another suggestion,” he says. “All you’re doing is keeping the possibility open, until people start getting comfortable.”

Try to scare people away. “Not by being creepy—but by being up-front,” Mihalko says. “If I scare [someone] away, I probably saved myself a headache,” Mihalko says. Note that this part should come before you end up back at the hotel (consider it part of the screening process). “You don’t want to wake up the next day having to do relationship triage. Trying to tiptoe around the subject will probably end in a worse threesome.”

Have the safe-sex speech. Ask all the important questions: When was everyone last tested? Does anyone have relationship agreements? Are there any safe-sex needs or protocols? Has anyone had any risky sexual encounters since they were last tested? What’s something everyone likes, sexually? Dislikes? “These conversations make [everyone] feel safe.”

Call a time out. If your ménage à trois ends early, at least you’ll be saving yourself hurt feelings or embarrassment the next day. “Whenever something feels weird, pull the plug on it,” Mihalko says. Last but not least, send a friendly text when all is finit. “A lot of people are in their heads the next day,” so this helps reassure everyone that your romp was successful. And if it was really good, Mihalko says you should send a thank-you card. “Do you know how cool it is to get a thank-you card because you f*cked somebody?” No, there isn’t a Hallmark for that—you’ll just have to get creative.

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Leslie Ventura is a staff writer at Las Vegas Weekly and Industry Weekly. She’s picked the brains of rock stars ...

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