You can rent a goat on Amazon, but they’re not intended for parties or barbecues—they’re meant to mow your lawn.
The ever-inventive web retailer debuted home services recently, and among tasks like plumbing and wiring appears a short but enchanting list of “other services,” including singers, silk aerialists and goats for hire. To contract an adorable, horned landscaper, simply distinguish the type of vegetation on your land (grassland, marsh, shrubbery or woodland), specify acreage, pick a date and indicate the kind of neighborhood you live in and whether your parcel is fenced or contains toxic plants. Interestingly, goats aren’t averse to leaves like poison oak, ivy and sumac.
“Goats can eat tons of stuff!” the rental description reads. “They’re curious little creatures that like to at least taste almost anything resembling a plant. They actually love to munch away at many types of vegetation that we find invasive, ugly or harmful to humans.”
Although cacti shouldn’t be a problem, the service isn’t yet available here (curiously, aerialists aren’t either, though we live in a Cirque du Soleil stronghold). Be patient, because goat rentals include perks: “As they graze, they will likely leave behind some droppings, too, and you’ll get to keep this fertilizer as a friendly parting gift!”