Can I get that cookie with some wild speculation, please?

Recently, I went to Panda Express, and here’s what my fortune cookie said: “YOU MAY HAVE A NEW OPPORTUNITY SOON.”

Easily the worst fortune I’ve ever gotten.

The main problem is “MAY.” Just take it out, fortune cookie writer guy.

First of all, I understand that it’s a fortune cookie, not a legally enforceable contract. I understand that if an opportunity doesn’t present itself in the near future, I can’t sue you. And even if I did sue you, you’d win. I promise.

Second of all, even if it were a legally enforceable document, you could still remove the “MAY,” and bank on the fact that some opportunity would present itself to me in the near future.

Here’s an example defense: “Mr. Lax, isn’t it true that just three days after eating at Panda Express, your friend, AJ, asked you whether you wanted to join him at Dino’s for karaoke and beer?”

In conclusion, if I want vague, guarded promises, I’ll go to a psychic. When I crack open a fortune cookie, I want wild speculation delivered with conviction.