TV

Steven Seagal vs. a Ford Escape. Who wins?

Image
He may be hard to kill and out for justice, but can Steven Seagal beat a Ford Escape?

Two ridiculous shows premiere this week: the Seagal-led low-budget cop drama True Justice (Fridays, 9 p.m., Reelz Channel) and Escape Routes (Saturdays, 8 p.m., NBC), a weekly infomercial for the Ford Escape masquerading as a reality show. We decided to pit the stars against each other to see which came out on top.

Girth:

Seagal His weight has ballooned since his ’80s action-star heyday, and he wears bulky clothes to hide his puffiness.

Escape Stands 81.8 inches wide (including mirrors) and has a sleek look.

Dialogue:

Seagal His character, Elijah Kane, mumbles through lines like “I got my own set of rules,” delivered with … a Cajun accent.

Escape Sadly, the car has not yet learned to talk. Reality-TV veteran Rossi Morreale hosts the show instead.

Speed:

Seagal Seems to barely move during his fight scenes, and clearly employs a stunt double on occasion.

Escape The 2.5-liter engine delivers 171 horsepower and a reported top speed of 102 miles per hour.

Intelligence:

Seagal The actor created True Justice and wrote or co-wrote all the first-season episodes.

Escape The car can follow simple voice commands, automatically correct for swerving and even parallel park itself.

Verdict: The Escape is leaner and faster (and possibly smarter), but Seagal’s show should be more entertaining. Not that you should watch either one.

Share

Josh Bell

Josh Bell is the film editor for Las Vegas Weekly, where he's been writing movie and TV reviews since 2002. ...

Get more Josh Bell

Commenting Policy | Comments Not Showing Help

Previous Discussion:

Top of Story