Green, gold, platinum, black—those are the colors of American Express cards, listed in order of increasing exclusivity. It’s a clever gimmick; you spend more because you want a more exclusive card.

MGM does the same thing with its players club membership cards, and until recently, the order went like this: Sapphire, Pearl, Gold, Platinum. Now there’s a fifth, ultra-exclusive level: Noir.

According to MLife.com, Noir (don’t call it black) cards come by invitation only. “As part of our ultra-elite,” the site reads, “Noir members get the best of everything. Period.” That sounds amazing, but the three specific perks listed under that bold claim don’t sound all that great:

“Complimentary limo service from/to airport” is nice, but it’s nothing to write home about. Strip clubs offer me the same thing for free. The second perk, “Guaranteed room, show and restaurant reservations” is equally underwhelming. Complimentary rooms, shows and meals are great. But reservations? When’s the last time you had trouble getting a Vegas reservation? 2008?

The third perk, “40 percent bonus on points and express comps,” is solid, but the Platinum level offers a similar bonus with a 30 percent bump. So don’t break the bank for Noir status; break the bank for an American Express black card. Airport lounges, first class upgrades, free hotel rooms—now those are perks.