Dear Sir or Madam,
Cleaning up dog poop isn’t fun—I know that. It’s a chore, and it’s a gross one. You’ve made it clear that you’re not interested in doing it, and I’ve slowly accepted that.
I’m not going to say that you should pick up your dog’s poop from my front porch area (e.g., my rocks, my sidewalk, my steps) because it’s “the right thing to do.” We’re way past that.
I will, however, tell you this:
If I ever find out who you are and where you live, I’m going to pick up all the dog shit you’ve left on my front porch area over the past few weeks, and I’m going to return it to you.
Everybody else: In case you’re wondering: Yes, I really did make that sign and put it up on my front porch area. Didn’t leave it out for long; didn’t make a difference.