Normally I’m all for buying books secondhand, but I draw the line at Penis Pokey, a ballsy attempt to meld your member with the printed page. Yes, whipping it out is strongly implied by author Christopher Behrens, who’s cut a one-inch-diameter hole in the thick pages to allow the user an interactive experience. (Although a legal disclaimer warns you to avoid putting your penis in the book “or any other unfamiliar holes.”) Getting queasy yet?

All the double entendres are covered here. You can be a cobra emerging from the basket, a jackhammer, the meat in a sandwich or a rabbit’s carrot (which, I’m guessing, requires the handler to be a bit jaundiced, and not in the figurative sense). And, leaving no groan unturned, a “pen is” included. Get it? Read it again—it’ll come to you.

By the way, my unmolested copy is available for posterity. Look for it on eBay under “pointless shit” or “the reason terrorists hate us.”