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Punk rock karaoke, ‘Santaland Diaries’ and other stuff you need to know about

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Illustration: Ian Racoma
    • THE SANTALAND DIARIES AT ARTS SQUARE THEATRE

      “My costume is green. I wear green velvet knickers, a forest green velvet smock and a perky little hat decorated with spangles. This is my work uniform.” So declared David Sedaris in December 1992, when the emerging essayist first read his piece The Santaland Diaries on National Public Radio. Who would have guessed that Sedaris’ (probably fictional) account of his time working as a department store Christmas elf would become a call to arms against the North Pole patriarchy—a warning shot fired across the bow of Big Reindeer? Well, maybe that didn’t happen, but Santaland was adapted into a hilarious one-man stage comedy, and it’s coming to Arts Square Theatre just in time to save us from tinsel shock syndrome. Jamie Morris returns as the velvet-knickered Crumpet, a role that earned him critical raves when Onyx Theater gifted us with Santaland in 2010. December 15-18, times vary, $25. –Geoff Carter

    • DISTRCT ARTS BENEFIT AT ORLEANS ARENA

      Local dance studio/company DISTRCT presents a dinner and performance benefit for Operation Underground Railroad (an organization that battles child trafficking and slavery) at the Orleans Arena’s Club Level Lounge. The show will bring together performers and crews including Magical Madness Dance Theater, Yvonne Silva and Genesis. Don’t miss the dance battle at 8 p.m. December 16, 5 p.m., $35-$55, 702-489-2300, distrctartsfundraiser.eventbrite.com. –Brock Radke

    • COLLEGE SPORTS SATURDAY AT T-MOBILE ARENA & SAM BOYD STADIUM

      Hoop dreaming for the holidays? Four traditional NCAA powers are headed to the Strip for a T-Mobile doubleheader: Ohio State vs. No. 2 UCLA at noon, and No. 6 Kentucky vs. No. 7 North Carolina at 2:45 p.m. Think of it as a mini Final Four, with real Final Four implications. ($40-$625). Meanwhile at Sam Boyd, the Las Vegas Bowl celebrates a quarter-century of existence—no small achievement in this transient town—with a balanced matchup: a 9-3 Houston team that spent part of the season in the Top 10 and 10-3 San Diego State, which just won the Mountain West. Hike! ($49-$131). December 17. –Spencer Patterson

    • A CONCERT FOR OAKLAND AT BUNKHOUSE SALOON

      The devastating fire that swept through the “Ghost Ship” warehouse in Oakland on December 2 claimed the lives of 36 people, all beloved artists, creatives and activists. As the tragedy resonates with artistic communities across the nation, Blair Dewane of Rusty Maples has organized a benefit to raise money for the families of those who died in the fire—including his own friend, Oakland artist Ara Jo. “She was practically a part of my family,” Dewane says. “If this happened here, [we] would be devastated. I had to do something.” The show will feature music from Rusty Maples, Hassan, Shayna Rain, Hungry Cloud, Dogyear, Vessel and more. December 17, 8 p.m., $10. –Leslie Ventura

    • SEBASTIAN BACH BOOK SIGNING AT GOOSE ISLAND PUB

      We spoke prior to his return to the Hard Rock Hotel, where he’ll sign copies of colorful new memoir 18 and Life on Skid Row before spinning tunes at the Center Bar.

      Sex: “There was a lot more [in the first draft]. It would be like, ‘And then she reached down and undid my fly …’ and I’d [think], “What kind of book are you writing, dude? Is this Penthouse Forum?"

      Drugs: “I haven’t touched cocaine in 15 years or more, and I want kids to understand that it’s a horrible thing. If I write about something funny that happened while I was doing it, the next page I’m getting my face punched in.”

      Rock ’n’ roll (and more drugs): “I’m not out to make anybody mad or piss anybody off, and I would welcome the other guys in Skid Row to write their own books. This is what I remember. I’m not saying I’m even 100 percent right. When Nikki Sixx writes The Heroin Diaries, was he really keeping a diary when he was shooting heroin? I don’t think so.” December 17, 9 p.m., free, Hard Rock Hotel. –Matt Wardlaw

    • CRX AT VINYL

      Is it a side project if the primary band only fleetingly regroups? Guitarist Nick Valensi grew restless during long bouts of Strokes downtime, so he formed CRX, which coats Cars-like power-pop over the raucous New Wave for which his other band is best known. With Streets of Laredo, Hideout; December 17, 9 p.m., $12-$25, Hard Rock Hotel. –Mike Prevatt

    • A VERY MERRY UNAUTHORIZED CHILDREN'S SCIENTOLOGY PAGEANT AT MAJESTIC REPERTORY THEATRE

      ’Tis the season for controversial religious plays, dark humor and the denouncement of Scientology, the latter of which comes not just from actress and former devout Scientologist Leah Remini but from a group of gleefully satirical children.

      The nativity-style play, directed by local theater mainstay Troy Heard, is back for its second run after its unveiling two years ago. Staged in a church basement with Tom Cruise posters, the story features the original middle-school-aged cast spouting out the tenets of Scientology while jubilantly emphasizing the “darkness of the Church.” Plus, the musical score is super poppy, “like Kidz Bop” Heard says. “It’s a total hipster holiday show,” he explains. “And it’s very dark. It has ‘I can’t believe they’re actually saying that’ kind of humor.”

      And since this hour-long, nativity-style play has the same enigmatic material as the original, Heard can expect another two-hour phone call from our local Scientology Church. And you on the other hand, can expect a Christmas experience unlike any other—one that stars children yet is designed for an adult audience. December 18 at 2, 5 and 8 p.m., 1217 S. Main St., $20. –Rosalie Spear

    • PUNK ROCK KARAOKE AT GOLDEN TIKI

      Remember when you wished on a star to howl “TV Party” at an appreciative crowd of drunks? Well, lil’ angel, Santa got your letter. The Golden Tiki has summoned a live band, featuring members of the Adolescents, Circle Jerks, Dickies and Goldfinger, to accompany your rummy bleating. December 19, 10 p.m., free. –Geoff Carter

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