Film

Allegory, with giant drooling wolves

Eight random thoughts while viewing the trailer for Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, which isn’t being screened for critics

Image

1. In TV ads for the movie, scenes showing actress Rhona Mitra are edited in a speedy way that leaves just a little hope that the woman you see is, returning for a third time, Kate Beckinsale. It’s not.

2. When he’s howling his Braveheart speech—“We can be slaves, or WE! CAN! BE! LYCANS!”—does Michael Sheen remember he was once nominated for a Lawrence Olivier Award?

3. Little-known lore exposed by the Underworld franchise: Vampires and werewolves can only engage in climactic battles during rainstorms.

4. I miss Kate Beckinsale.

5. More precisely, I miss Kate Beckinsale hermetically sealed into her black leather suit.

6. “We are not animals!” Lucien, the enslaved Lycan leader, declares in a stirring plea for humanity echoed by oppressed people everywhere. Later he turns into a giant drooling wolf.

7. If you think of the aristocratic vampires (elegant, lavishly tailored) as, say, bailout-frittering bankers or arrogant hedge-fund operators; and the werewolves (earthy, angry, eccentrically groomed) as, oh, factory workers whose jobs have been quashed by bankers and hedge-fund operators, it’s easier to know whom to root for.

8. I can recall at least four times it would have been nice to become a giant drooling wolf, and that’s right, Mr. Beatty, former Basic High government teacher, one of those involves you!

Share
Photo of Scott Dickensheets

Scott Dickensheets

Get more Scott Dickensheets

Previous Discussion:

Top of Story