Any day now, a small package will arrive at a house in Bulgaria. The man who receives it will see it was sent by his son in Las Vegas. He’ll open it, look inside, and see the hard-won fruits of his son’s great American dream.
He’ll see a tube of Fresh Balls—antiperspirant for your testicles.
This is how Yordan Yordanov’s parents will learn their child has, after years of toiling in America, invested everything to become the global CEO of male genital freshness. His business partner, Frank Brook, has likewise put everything on the line for Fresh Balls—a lightly scented lotion with simple operating instructions:
- A User's Testimonial
- It’s important (to me) that you know upfront that I didn’t seek out Fresh Balls. A friend offered me a sample as a joke. And as a joke, I tried it. Now I begin every day down low feeling confidently dry and fresh. I guess the best endorsement I could give this very personal product is that I don’t notice that I’m wearing it. And none of my colleagues notice either (although I expect some surreptitious sniffing after this is printed).
- -Joe Brown
“You put it in your hands, and you put it on your balls,” Brook says. “This is a product that needs to be on the market. This is the wheel.”
This is not a joke, by the way. Brook quit his job as a financial adviser to work on Fresh Balls full time. Yordanov sells real estate on the side, which, in this economy, is probably as lucrative as selling horse meat on the side to horses. Fresh Balls is everything to these men. They won’t reveal how much they invested; suffice to say it was their life savings. Their families’ futures now rest on the dank groins of strangers.
Which is precisely why Yordanov and Brook are so confident—their target market is approximately half the globe.
“If you’ve got two of them, you sweat,” Brook says. “If you’ve got one, you probably do, too.”
One silver 3-ounce tube of Fresh Balls costs $14.99. That includes shipping. If you buy five or more, there’s a bulk discount. Since late October, they’ve sold around 10,000 tubes.
“Ask a guy if he has sweaty balls, he’ll tell you he doesn’t,” Brook says. “Tell him you got a product for it, he’ll want a sample.”
The idea first came to Brook about a year ago, at 3 a.m. He was sweaty. He went online and couldn’t find a solution. Then the name came to him: Fresh Balls. Someone in the UK already owned FreshBalls.com, so Brook contacted him, told him he’d devised a state-of-the art tennis-ball cleaning system—he didn’t want to give the real genius away—and bought the site. Then he called Yordanov, an old friend who was then running a hair salon, and brought him into the business.
They started by testing home recipes on themselves. When they were satisfied, they went to a Las Vegas beauty product lab. There, chemists spent eight months testing various solutions and scents. After about 25 attempts, and more rigorous self-testing, Brook says, they got it right.
The actual product is white and somewhat thinner than hand lotion, with a faint smell that Yordanov calls “fresh ocean breeze.”
It’s the only lotion-style testicle antiperspirant on the market, the men say. Sure, some guys use Gold Bond powder. But powder and gravity don’t mix. Any wife with a white patch in her beige bedroom carpet knows this, Brook says. Besides, sweat into powder, and soon enough you’ve got dough. Soon enough, you’re baking bread in your pants.
Fresh Balls began advertising on the Howard Stern show in October. But it was when Stern, unsolicited, talked about the product on air, that the website really exploded.
Freshballs.com opens with a video of a doctor, sitting in his office, talking slowly over soft music: “... It’s a problem men suffer from in silence. It’s a problem medical science has completely ignored ... the problem is sweaty balls.” Then someone starts laughing off camera.
“It can happen after a basketball game,” the doctor continues. “It can even happen after a game of chess.”
- Beyond the Weekly
- Fresh Balls
The laughing picks up. Eventually, the doctor (one of 45 actors who tried out for the role) drops the infomercial patter, loosens his tie and says, “Look, I’m not a doctor. I’m just a guy who suffers from a problem we all have. Our nuts get sweaty. Right guys!?!”
There was a time when magazines and media outlets didn’t believe the product was real, Yordanov said. People who once hung up on Fresh Balls sales pitches now are calling back, wanting to book ads and feature the product in their pages. Meanwhile, international orders have started coming in — between five and 10 a day, Brook says — from Singapore, Australia, Germany, the United Kingdom. They sent one tube to a solider working at Guantanamo Bay. He sent an e-mail back: When I get deployed to Afghanistan, I’m going to buy a bulk load for all the guys.
Brook and Yordanov even got themselves a booth at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas last week: Ten tubes of Fresh Balls lined up over a banner printed with the company tag line: “So Fresh. So Clean.” Then they took pictures of themselves, lounging with adult stars, holding up the silver tubes and smiling.
They’ve been in talks with drug store chains, Brook says. They see themselves in Wal-Mart. They see themselves in pants across the country. And it’s not even summer yet. July, the men figure, will be like Christmas in the Fresh Balls bank account.
“People are going to get it. They’re going to try it and love it,” Brook said. “Guys are going to say, ‘Dude, this stuff is good.’”
And soon, the men say, Yordanov will be able to send his parents another surprise package: A tube of Fresh Breasts. It’s the No. 1 request sent into the website — a product that women can apply in the crease where their breasts meet their lower ribs, and sweat.
As for his parents, Yordanov says, “I’m pretty sure they will be proud of me.”