We fire pellet guns that don't hit targets and toss rings that don't land on Coke bottles. It’s hot on the midway, but in the shadow of the pink inflatable dolphin we won at the sledgehammer bell game, things are okay.

Fairgoers scream from rides that swing like pendulums or scramble and whirl on portable platforms to music of the last two decades.

Barkers promise deals, telling us the enormous stuffed animals could be ours if we only spent some tokens for darts, bean bags, ping pong balls or other ammo.

"There's a lot of things I don't remember, but this is a place I don't forget,” one guy says to another in the beer garden.

We’ve had pizza, a garlic-smeared soft pretzel, sodas, beer, mini-donuts, a root beer float, sweet potato fries, barbecued chicken, beans and coleslaw. Full, we watch the 1929 John Deere hit-and-miss engine cough and spit while making ice cream and wonder what alligator nuggets taste like.

Sublime’s 1996 song “Santaria” plays over and over at a midway game. Songs from a Journey tribute band soar across the fairgrounds. By the end of the day, Merle Haggard is memorialized several times over by Washboard Willie and other musicians.

Stunt dogs chase Frisbees and do high jumps on the enclosed course in the grass. When the power accidentally goes out mid-act, killing the dramatic music, we listen to the dogs bark inside their special offstage tent. Like superstars, they re-emerge and we wonder if the jump-roping dog can do Double Dutch because at this point, expectations are high. Clearing 36 inches at the high bar is a piece of cake.

We pet goats and pigs and sheep, some dressed in disco-themed or pink-camouflage spandex tubes. We watch pigs race, chicks break out of their eggs and spectacular chickens looking like Phyllis Diller in their fancy natural headdresses.

This might be the cleanest fair on Earth. Deep-fried Snickers seem to be the greatest sin. We enter raffles for rifles, study the horticulture exhibits and photograph taxidermy before taking a spin on the Ferris wheel.

“To be weak in one area is not a package we're seeking … thank you and good luck,” says the adult hostess from the stage of the Cinderella Pageant, where young girls in billowy dresses share their talents, thank their directors and do formal walk-offs before the winner is awarded.

That’s our cue. Eight-and-a-half hours after arriving, we pass through the exhibit halls for one last look.

Clark County Fair & Rodeo Through April 10th, 10 a.m.-midnight today and Saturday, 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Sunday. Logandale, 1-888-876-FAIR.