THE DREAM ZONE |
with Lauri Quinn Loewenberg I'm sorting through stuff and find a blue glass ball. I look out a large window and see it's very stormy with strong wind, rain and lightning. Gold drapes just hang in the air on a drape rod, floating in the wind. I say to myself, "I guess they'll help keep the cold out."
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I love your column. I try to read it whenever I see a copy of the Weekly. I found your reading in (a recent issue) very interesting. I, too, need to finally let go of what's been causing me much distress—the man who was the love of my life. We have a 4-year old son together, and it pains me that we cannot be a family.
He's been in and out of jail, and has turned into a very self-absorbed man who has no problem using people to get what he wants. He refuses to acknowledge the woman he lives with as his girlfriend, saying "she's a means to an end." He calls to tell me that he misses me, and especially misses our sex life (he's not the only one). I know I deserve better, yet it's so hard for me to let go of "what could have been." He knows that deep down, I still yearn for my family to be reunited, and he's able to catch me at my weakest.
I desire a man who'll love my son and me unconditionally, treat us with respect and be a wonderful father figure. I have a terrible weakness for Italian men, especially dark haired, green-eyed men who are incredibly charming and funny. What do you see in store for me?
Dear Hopeless,
The only good thing that resulted from your relationship is your son. As his mother, your first priority is to make sure he has everything needed to thrive. According to what I see for you, your most challenging test is to step away from your son's sperm donor (thank you, Dr. Laura). It's important that you consult an attorney about custody of your son and arrange for ongoing financial child support.
This man is a bad habit. You can't use the occasional sexual trysts as "payment" from him anymore because conveniently (for him) you're always at your weakest when he calls. If he were a respectful and responsible man, you wouldn't find him so attractive. Your first goal is to rid yourself of as much influence as possible from this person. He has to earn the right to have any authority with your son.
In the meantime, see how much power you have as a woman. Know what it feels like to date someone for six months without sleeping with him. I mean it—learn how to be attractive by not encouraging sexual intrigue. Your radar is off concerning men; you tend to attract good-looking men who are shallow, selfish and irresponsible. Learn to be critical enough about a man so you have a better idea about his character before you let him into your body, not to mention your heart. Once you cross that sexual threshold, the dynamic of the relationship changes and if there hasn't been enough mutual accord built, you'll always find yourself at a disadvantage.
Because your priority is your son's well-being, this shouldn't be too difficult. Get your son involved with sports now—T-ball, karate, swimming or soccer. Build new relationships with other single mothers at these activities. Schedule yourself so thoroughly that you're not so available to anyone but your son.
I see that you become quite the businesswoman within two years. You'll be in contact with many people of wealth, and income comes to you easily through this opportunity. It's probably related to sales in some way initially, but then you're chosen to head up something—like you getting your real-estate license, working at that for a short time, then being hired by one of those condo developers as the exclusive sales representative. It's through business that you'll meet the man you'll marry because by then you'll be proud of your accomplishments. I see that he's about four years away and worth every minute of the wait.
Note to readers: Vegas Beads (3480 Spring Mountain Road, 452-3237) will host my book-signing this Saturday, February 12, from noon to 3 p.m.
Mona Van Joseph is a licensed professional in the psychic arts through the city of Las Vegas. You may e-mail questions to [email protected].