NIGHTS ON THE CIRCUIT: Tuesday! Tuesday!! Tuesday!!!

Metal Skool offers the cure for the common club

Xania Woodman


Tuesday, November 1, 12:03 A.M. "Is there anyone in the audience who knows how to turn a bass amp on?" Bumbling confusion on stage until someone volunteers their services. "You're hired, dude." And we're off! "Anyone can play original music," the guitarist points out from beneath a fringe of red, spiked hair. "We play other people's music better than they can, dude."


Last week, at their Empire Ballroom premiere, Metal Skool kicked the night off by pointing out that "the more hammered you are, the better looking our drummer is." With a mixture of self-aggrandizement and self-deprecation, the members banter sharply with each other and the crowd; no one—not even the biggest of fans—has immunity.


Lead singer Michael Star is introduced by the attention-seeking lead guitarist as "a chubby David Lee Roth or a skinny Vince Neil." That guitarist is Satchel, the shorter, more chiseled, self-professed ladies man of the bunch, despite an occasional stutter, a troubled childhood and a tendency to ramble. The drummer, Stix Zadinia, has little to say, though his bio on the band's website (www.metalskool.com) tells of a career fraught with rejection that has since turned to acceptance with his new Metal Skool family: "I never thought I would be making a hundred bucks a week playing drums. Talk about blessed!" That leaves Lexxi Foxxx ("the extra X is for extra sex"), the blithering-but-sweet bass player. "Lexxi was voted the hottest guy on the Sunset Strip for two weeks in a row in 1986." He's pretty.


The '80s factor is high: all the mic stand-wielding, jumping off of monitors, high kicks and pelvic thrusting you crave. The bass and guitar players strike power poses and have mastered the art of the pout. The vulgarity, too, is substantial, so consider yourself warned. "We're here to bring f---in' metal back to f---in' Vegas!"


Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer" transports me to Jersey, and Satchel is nonchalant, "We rule. It's amazing, I know." Between that and Poison's "Nothin' but A Good Time," Foxxx fixes his hair and applies sticky, pink lip gloss. His tresses are simply too good not to be real, though I am told only Star's hair is the real deal. Come to think of it, I can't find anything real on these guys. Their website is written in character: no bios, no background, just overt homosexual and drug humor.


Their "Photograph" by Def Leppard invites audience participation. But as Foxxx is quick to point out, "Precipitation means rain." The set then slips into karaoke for "Pour Some Sugar on Me," with a little help from an inebriated fan. With Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil," Star proves he has also perfected the art of the tortured scream, his voice working through octaves normally reserved for chipmunks and the prepubescent.


Not to be outdone, Satchel, "the fastest guitar player in the Simi Valley," launches into a solo with plenty of wah-wahs. He pedals the bass drum and bangs away on the cymbals while taking on a one-handed, metallic "Do-Re-Mi" with his axe. "That was awesome! Let's make some more noise for me!" The go-go dancers even throw dollar bills!


A signature Metal Skool moment follows as we get an education on all of the ways in which Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again" has been unmercifully sampled by the likes of Steve Miller, Weezer, Tom Petty and Smash Mouth. Then more Bon Jovi, with "You Give Love a Bad Name." As the curtain drops, all three gather and pose. Satchel and Star rush up front, jockeying for the final bow as Foxxx struggles pitifully from behind the thick fabric, only to appear as the last man on stage.


I was too young to be cool during the '80s, and there's nothing "rad" about being, like, 8. Tuesdays are my perfect opportunity to make up for lost time. Maybe I could even be Metal Skool's first Vegas groupie? But as I bear little resemblance to Lita Ford or to either member of Heart, I don't see that happening, dude.



Xania Woodman thinks globally and parties locally. And frequently. E-mail her at
[email protected].




Xania's Hot Spots for November 10 - November 16



Thursday, November 10


Light: Fired Up calendar signing with ladies of the Apprentice and Risen Models, proceeds benefiting Jackets for Jobs


Tao: Blackbook Magazine's fall fashion issue release party



Friday, November 11


Empire Ballroom: Enchantment and TheCircuitLV.com's one-year anniversary party



Saturday, November 12


Body English: The Greatest Lingerie Show on Earth and Agent Provocateur and Kelly Osbourne's birthdays


Ice: DJ Christopher Lawrence with Michael Fuller



Sunday, November 13


Body English: Red Carpet Sundays presents the "Hello My Name Is ..." party


Light: Madonna's Confessions On A Dance Floor CD release party



Monday, November 14


Foundation Room: Godspeed Mondays with DJ Keith Evan


The Rainbow Bar & Grill: Rock Mondays with DJ Scotty Boy



Tuesday, November 15


Empire Ballroom: Metal Skool with DJ Scotty Boy


Pure: Local industry Tuesday



Wednesday, November 16


Ice: DJ Irene



For more Hot Spots and weekly parties visit
www.TheCircuitLV.com and sign up for Xania's free weekly newsletter.

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