THE DREAM ZONE |
with Lauri Quinn Loewenberg I used to have a recurring dream where I was on a turbulent flight, then there's a sudden nosedive and loss in altitude. Passengers scream as I look through the cockpit windshield and watch the ground fast-approaching. The plane crashes on its belly at times; other times, it violently cartwheels down a runway. I'm ALWAYS very calm and ALWAYS survive. Sometimes I help other passengers, but mostly I wander through the wreckage as emergency crews arrive.
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I'm a 20-year old college student. I've lived in Vegas most of my life, and I'm about to transfer to a school in Los Angeles. In three weeks, I'll say good-bye to lifelong friends. I've been looking for companionship online. I have a fear of being alone, and I just wanted someone to love when I move, and I happened to find the very sort of person I was looking for.
I met her a little over a month ago in person. We had been exchanging e-mails and talking on the phone for a long while before that, so we already knew a lot about each other, with the exception that she didn't realize I was looking for more than just a friend, even though we'd made plans to go on a little getaway together for a week before our next quarter's classes begin. She had to have known what my intentions were—I can't imagine she didn't feel the same way.
I finally told her how I felt about her; she seemed to take it really well at first, but then she just stopped talking to me altogether. I tried calling, left several messages, but was getting the silent treatment. All I wanted was a little honestly from her. I felt like a blind man in unfamiliar territory.
Over a week later, she tells me she had no idea I had any romantic feelings for her, and she doesn't share those feelings at all. She thinks I'm a really cool guy, but only as a friend, a typical let-him-down-easy reply—which was fine, I'm cool with just being friends, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't like to see it develop into something more. I think I drove things to a point where even though she really likes me, I pushed too hard too fast.
I let all the walls down with her and fell really hard. I've never connected with someone on such a deep level before; she's the only person I know right now who can truly take my mind off all my fears and anxieties, but that hasn't been the case since we haven't been on such good terms.
Did I ruin a perfectly good friendship by moving ahead way too fast, or is she not being honest with me about her feelings? Is this beyond repair? She says she wants to be friends, but seems to want absolutely nothing to do with me right now.
How do I overcome this uncomfortable silence between us?
Dear City of Angels,
You think your soul mate is this woman, when in fact she was presented to you as a catalyst to open your heart. She wouldn't have let you so close to her had she known your real intentions from the start.
This is not about mistakes, it's about the journey of meaningful relationships. Even if you hadn't told her how deeply you felt about her, she would have still pulled away. She felt your intensity and hadn't yet concluded her feelings about you after your visit. So when you changed the rules from "friendship" to "relationship," she did what most people do with unresolved feelings—they back away.
There's a free-fall when we're presented with something we really want, especially when we've created something meaningful in this life. You've just experienced that insight. You leapt into your emotional well and though it didn't make the splash you expected, at least there was water when you jumped.
Send her my response to your letter; if she doesn't answer, then you have your answer. You'll always be surrounded in love and if she doesn't respond to your generous heart, I promise that by November, someone else will.
Mona Van Joseph is a licensed professional in the psychic arts through the city of Las Vegas. Her show, Midnights with Mona, airs weeknights on KDWN 720 AM. You may e-mail questions to [email protected].