Those who would look for an instructive theme or two in the last news cycle—who would sift current events for larger clues about who we are—were faced with a fire-hose spray of freakish, not-easily categorized narrative squibs instead. A man plows his car into pedestrians on the Strip, later telling police he thought they were "demons." (The incident, according to the morning paper, shouldn't hurt tourism.) A global health alert emanates from Vegas, where some conference-goers might've eaten ice cream contaminated with hepatitis A—a bug that the R-J tells us "is usually spread via the fecal-oral route" (a phrase that sounds eerily like it's been lifted from one of the paper's old editorials, probably something anti-Kerry). Police arrest two "admitted white supremacists" because they have a bomb in their SUV.
See? No better storyline here than We're a crappy city of imaginary monsters and bomb-toting racists, which, frankly, sounds more like Laughlin.
Even minor stories resisted easy pigeonholing. Take the activities of the state board of osteopathic medicine. Yes, there is one, and last week it declined to yank the license of eye doctor Daniel Carpenter, even though it found him guilty of malpractice and unprofessional conduct. (He got probation.) "I think because no one died, the board went easy on him," the state attorney who tried the case told the R-J. A round of nyah-nyahing ensued, Carpenter claiming the board was corrupt, the board's director saying it feared Carpenter would sue if he lost his license, and a top adminstrator resigning in a huff—people, please! What is this, the cosmetology board? Carpenter later told the R-J that he's so over the board's actions. "The Lord is on my side," he said. Oh, great; the Lord involves Himself in state bureaucracy the week after I go to the DMV.
Just as you like to see a good opthamological dustup, it's always good to see an attorney get publicly spanked, as happened to lawyer William Errico, who last week tried to grab a hefty chunk of the settlement in the Brittney Bergeron case (she was the girl stabbed in the Casablanca RV park in Mesquite in 2003; Errico played a small role in the legal case). Instead of the tall dollars he wanted, Errico got an embarrassing $2,500 (which he said he'll donate to the girl), plus the privilege of hearing another attorney talk shit about him: "He has the ethics of a used-car salesman," said one Bergeron attorney, totally going the oral-fecal route. "The allegations are completely without merit," Errico told the R-J. (No word yet from used-car salesmen.)
From God, demons and ethics, the drift of utter themelessness has brought us here, at last, to Richard Perkins. The Democratic front-runner dropped out of the governor's race either because he didn't want to dilute the party's strength (his explanation) or because he knew he couldn't win (columnist John L. Smith's). Perkins could've done this column a solid by blaming demons or a sickly bout of dinatitus A, giving us our tidy theme. Ah, well, no one died, so we may as well take it easy on him, as long as his decision doesn't hurt tourism.
Let's Do the Math! |
-1 Regents fail to vote on "cooling-off" measure that would prevent them from rushing into university jobs. All those surprised raise your hands.
+2 Sen. John Ensign stands up to Bush, calls for budget cuts or even (gasp!) tax-cut rollback to ease deficit as Katrina costs mount.
-1 Mother of teen says Family Court judge declined to look at tape of guns laying around estranged husband's home. Kid used one in suicide.
+2 Off-duty cop races to arrest Strip crash suspect, despite being unarmed.
Final Score
+2
All the Years Wasted on Seismology and It Turns Out to Be About the People |
A September 23 Sun story on earthquake dangers noted that a FEMA study "based on 2000 census data indicates a 10 to 20 percent chance that a major earthquake ... will hit within striking distance of Las Vegas during the next 50 years."
The Vegas Rorschach |
Match the Psychologically Revealing Shape to Its 'Correct' Meaning!
1.) Hepatitis A germ, with chocolate sauce and sprinkles, spotted at Global Gaming Expo.
2.) Bob Beers, with chocolate sauce and sprinkles.
3.) The blackened husk of the public's respect for the Board of Regents ... no, wait, it's a newt ... is it eating bacon? Yes, it's a newt eating bacon.
4.) Jim Gibson's mood after gubernatorial opponent Dina Titus called him a fake Republican.
Answer:
This is "psychology" so there's no "true" answer, except some combination of Bob Beers and fake Republican bacon. Hey, you can't second-guess psychology.
Scott Dickensheets is a Weekly writer at large. Give him crap (or cake) at
[email protected].