The Help Desk

Where we sort it all out for you

1. Heidi Fleiss accepting apps for male brothel. Form includes disclaimer: “Yes, you get paid to do this.”

2. LV just misses Forbes list of best job-growth cities. Soon to be corrected by growth in critical man-whore industry.

3. FBI denies seizing $2 million in cash from Copperfield. “Media reports to the contrary are false,” angry spokesman says from Barbados.

4. Mayor proclaims last Friday “Rebel Red Day.” Roused, UNLV footballers respond with decisive loss to Colorado State.

5. City yanks biz license from alleged bullying wedding chapel. Cites importance of drive-through Vegas weddings being taken seriously.

6. GOP backs rural coal plants. “It creates energy AND it has great potential to damage environment,” party spokesman says. “It was an easy decision.”

7. LV ranks 24th, 19th and 14th, respectively, in Travel + Leisure surveys of intelligent, friendly and attractive cities. Who cares? We have Dunkin’ Donuts AND Krispy Kreme! (See related article.)

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