Crimes of Fashion
In honor of New York fashion week in February, I’ve developed some fun tips for all you Las Vegasites that think -- or possibly assume -- the rest of us are blind. No, legwarmers are still not hip; cotton tunics are for people with zero body fat; and please: only women belong in a skinny pant.
Here are a few additional guidelines to keep you on the right track.
Runway and designer fashions are not typically lay people friendly.
Just because a six foot, size zero model stomped down a catwalk in something does not mean it should be copycatted by the general public. If that sort of direct mimicry was acceptable, dark haired, leggy women with high cheekbones everywhere would be finely clothed and lying together in piles. (Has anyone ever seen a Gucci ad?)
Women in cowboy boots definitely make a statement.
And that statement is “I’m kind of a weirdo.”
Don’t shop anywhere that refers to its style as “homeless chic.”
Sorry Urban Outfitters, but that’s weird. Instead, shop at Theory -- owned by the same company, but instead, self-referred to as “home owner chic.” (The above sort of makes me wonder if Zoolander’s “Derrylict” line was intended for comic effect … or just intended.)
Just because you like something doesn’t necessarily mean you should wear it.
This commonly includes animal prints, horizontal stripes, pants with large pockets and clothing either two sizes too small OR too large. (You know who you are.) Seriously, just because a shirt looks good on a hanger does not mean it will look good on your body. This is the most common, unfortunate, mistake I see people make. You know what I like? Capris. But I’m 5’2” so I’d look about 4’7” in a stunning pair of those bad boys.
Ask yourself: “If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?”
The most obnoxious part of total train wreck trends is the fact the whole world jumps on the disastrous band wagon and rides it straight down into oblivion. Remember, it only takes one person to make a change. And 50 million to make it a trend. (And me, to make fun of 50 million.)
Help me help you. Together, let’s stop fashion crimes.
Precocious entrepreneur, workaholic and a rabid perfectionist Crystal Starlight knows a thing or two about getting ahead at a young age. Email her at [email protected]