Let's take a moment to appreciate the female body.
Actually, let's take four hours. That's how long the competition to find the 2010 Queen of Burlesque ran Saturday night. That's 240 minutes of worshipping the female form in all its glory: the smoothness of it, the curves and the parts that jiggle... especially the parts that jiggle.
The competition brought 15 of the most talented burlesque performers together to compete for the title of Queen of Burlesque, previously held by Vegas resident Kalani KoKonuts. From the petite to the voluptuous, from the relatively green to the seasoned competitor, the diverse pool of contestants ran the gamut when it came to body type, ethnicity and age.
The eventual winner of the evening was Roxi Dlite, who wowed the audience with a classy performance centered around the phallic symbol preferred by presidents: the cigar. The 27-year-old Canadian stripped down from an almost-ordinary dress (modest in the front, but with a the laced-up back revealing ample butt cleavage) to a pair of keeping-it-legal pasties, then slid, writhed and straddled a giant cigar prop that puffed out smoke. To say the performance was smoking hot would be a terrible pun. And an understatement.
According to her Twitter, Roxi Dlite is the first Canadian to win the honor of Queen of Burlesque. Last year, she took home the first runner-up spot.
Securing that spot this year was Kristina Nekyia, described as a "dancer, fire performer and contortionist with a slutty style," who performed a tribute to a 1977 Dario Argento film titled Suspiria. Nekyia's act channeled a darker side of burlesque, as she emerged from a coffin wearing a wedding dress and glow-in-the-dark body paint. The shocking performance likely was a candidate for the special "most innovative" honor, but lost out to a haunting performance by newcomer Miss Tickle, who performed in the less experienced "Miss Debut" competition. Miss Tickle's performance, set to music by Krono's Quartet (best known for the score of Requiem for a Dream), turned a feathery dress into feathery wings in a transformation that literally moved some in the audience to tears.
Miss Tickle's act also earned her the honor of Miss Debut, which host Miss Astrid best described as, "We don't know who the fuck you are... but we'd like to" and a nod as the "most dazzling."
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Also scoring multiple trophies was The Evil Hate Monkey, in the Best Boylesque and Most Comical categories, for a performance that began with a yellow bodysuit and tutu and ended with, most appropriately, a banana hammock. The Evil Hate Monkey's regular burlesque partner, Trixie Little, didn't place in her category, but her routine involving a costume made of little more than a Viking hat worn while groping a plastic-deer-topped birthday cake was memorable nevertheless.
Landing behind Roxi Dlite and Kristina Nekyia in the second runner-up position of the queen competition was burlesque performer Nasty Canasta. She proved her status as "the girl with the 44 double D brain" with a smart routine that synchronized the removal of her clothes with the dressing of herself in a photo projected on the big screen.
Rounding out the competition's victors were the duo of Lola Marinet and Tila Von Twirl in Best Variety, Mimi LeMeaux for Most Classic, and the Chicago Starlets in Best Group.
Finishing off the four hours of performances was Kalani KoKonuts, who reminded everyone why she'd earned the top prize in 2009. The local beauty dazzled in a baby-blue corset and ruffles during her last performance as reigning queen. Dancing to a cover of Pink's "Let's Get This Party Started," four buff, nearly-naked guys accompanied KoKonuts, helping carry her and remove her layers of clothing. It may have been four hours of fine female figures, but there's nothing wrong with throwing in some tight man ass for good measure.