Ever wanted an upside down Christmas tree? Or 10 pounds of marshmallows? Or maybe a remote-control tarantula? Embrace Groupon, where everything and anything has a price—and it’s discounted.
1. For just $118.99, you can flaunt a pink, crocheted mermaid tail that comes in both child and adult sizes. It’s described as “highly versatile,” a “complement to your decor” and an “exquisite and elegant” gift to give someone a “sweet winter.” So not only can you blend in with your curtains, you and your kid can wear this “versatile” piece to Walmart.
2. Silver Unique Shaped Trees. This is literally just a silver Christmas tree turned upside down. There’s no way you can put a tree topper on it, although there’s plenty of room for presents underneath. Listed at $720.96, it’s selling on Groupon for $456.99. But hey, it comes pre-lit.
3. Does your dog ever look longingly at you with those big, sad eyes when you wear your ugly Christmas sweater? Fear not! The New York Dog Ugly Holiday Sweater is here, and it’s covered in froofy golden bows, ornaments and mini pom-poms. Now you can continue to do everything together, including push Fido in his $110 All-Surface Convertible Pet Stroller, Carrier and Car Seat. Yay for the happy family.
4. Ten pounds of miniature marshmallows, flavored orange, strawberry, lemon and lime. If they were plain, I’d say hurrah to hot cocoa. But those fruit flavors … Well, at least you can use them as pillows.
5. If you’d like to freak out your older sister or mother, or maybe even get your dad to squeal, you need this robotic, life-size tarantula in your life. For just $19.99, maliciously control it from the other room.
6. Learn how to jet-pack. I didn’t really know people used these, but flying over water powered by Jetsons technology sounds like a blast to me.
7. Release your anger. Rent a T-55 tank and completely crush a car. This $2,200 Groupon also comes with a mini gun rental and Humvee transportation, for that post-tank mellow.
8. Before scouring Groupon, I didn’t know that lipstick could be used as a tangible sexual device. My Secret Screaming O Lipstick Vibrator is a $10 way to discretely enjoy yourself. Just pray no one asks to borrow your lipstick.
9. I had to include this, because I mean, really, soap making? This Soap-Making Course from Centre of Excellence Online is originally listed at a whopping $325, but it’s selling on Groupon for just five Washingtons. Now’s your chance. Do it before the sale’s washed out.
10. If soap making isn’t exhilarating enough for you, then take to the skies with Cirque. Learn how to perform on the flying trapeze with this Groupon, and maybe you’ll be able to join the circus. You can even wear your versatile mermaid Snuggie.
11. Where else but Fabulous Las Vegas could you glorify a trike tour for two to the romantic concrete slab that is Hoover Dam? That’s right. No where else. Especially for $199. They’re not even motorcycles.
12. Another unique bike-style experience is the bicycle pub crawl, where up to 15 people can pedal a large cart and get drunk Downtown. Groupon saves you $48 for this one (for two people). I wonder how long it takes for this crawl to stop moving ...
13. I already mentioned the jet-pack lesson, but wait, there’s more: you can learn how to flyboard. With Groupon’s featured image of a man in a Superman outfit soaring above the waters of Lake Las Vegas, it’s tempting not to be interested. Clark Kent anyone?
14. And of course, I couldn’t forget our beloved Erotic Heritage Museum. You can get 52 percent off museum admission for two or four with this one. (Over 1,000 people have purchased already.) Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, right? Except the imagery of two men’s penises disguised as puppets.