"So sorry I'm late," said my girlfriend, Stacy, kissing me on both cheeks like we were in Europe or something. "So, how was your weekend in Newport Beach with Jon?"
"Jay," I corrected.
"Whatever. Did you do it?" she asked nonchalantly.
"No! We're just friends!" I said indignantly.
She peered at me over the top of her designer sunglasses and a mischievous smile crept over her plump, newly injected lips. "You lie! First of all, I've seen him, he's gorgeous. There's no way that you spent the entire weekend with him and you didn't jump his bones. So fess up, and don't spare the details."
"Stacy, you kill me. Jay and I are friends. Plain and simple. We had a wonderful time. We rode bikes on the boardwalk, ate ice cream, played in the arcade, swam in the ocean ..." I drifted off, smiling, as the memories of the weekend came flooding back. Stacy looked bored. "He's so much fun, you know? He's nutty and spontaneous and silly. We spent the entire weekend in our swimsuits and on our bikes like a couple of kids. I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. It was great," I said, in a dreamy voice. "One day I sat on the beach and watched him surf. He's really good! I think I might like to try it sometime, it must be great exercise. His body is so lean and strong and muscular. Not an ounce of fat. He has six pack abs and he's so tan, and he has the most beautiful blue eyes," my voice trailed off.
Suddenly I had her attention.
"So you had the time of your life, with a hot, hunky surfer who makes you laugh and the only thing you rode was a bike? What's the problem? Is he kinky or something?" She has a one track mind.
"No. At least I don't think so. I think it's just because we've been friends for so long. That coupled with the fact that he seems to really like this girl named Mandy. Mandy! Can you imagine? She surfs too and looks like a knock-off Barbie, you know the type, leggy with long blonde hair. I didn't really find her all that attractive. Well she might have been sort of cute, if it weren't for that voice of hers. It's this high pitched, squeaky baby voice. Man, it bugs!" I said, irritated at the thought of her.
"But, you're not jealous at all, right? Because, you're not interested?" she asked.
"Uh, um, no," I faltered, but not enough for her to notice. "How many times do I have to tell you, Jay and I are just friends."
"Perfect, then here's what we're going to do," she said. We?
"With your help, I'm going to steal him away from Mandy, " she said.
My mouth fell open in shock. I'd over- advertised Jay's great qualities.
"You're going to call him and invite him to my party this weekend, "she said pushing her cell phone towards me. "The sooner you do, the sooner we'll have Candy out of the picture."
"Mandy," I said numbly.
"Whatever," she said, urging me to place the call. And before I had a chance to think about it I did. He answered. Of course he remembered Stacy. He'd love to come to her party. He'd see us on Saturday. It was done.
The thought of her and Jay together was enough to make me fall out of my seat laughing. I mean, she's beautiful, and I love her, I have since high school when we played softball together. But now, she was just so fake! We had both married young, and, we'd both married well. But, unlike me, Stacy had also divorced well. She kept her plastic surgeon on speed dial and wept at the mere sight of a blemish or wrinkle. She put the high in high maintenance and I tried to picture her riding the Booger Eater down the boardwalk in her Versace sun dress. Nope. Couldn't see it. But she was hot. I'll give her that.
"So, you'll bring him to the party and introduce us again and I'll sway him with my womanly wiles. In no time flat he'll forget all about his little surfer girl," she continued.
What was the lesser of two evils? Mandy, who Jay even said never paid any attention to him until she thought she might have missed the boat after seeing him with me, or Stacy, my friend with the caviar lifestyle? On one hand, if he got serious with Mandy, I'd probably never see him again, she'd make sure of that. There's no way Miss Whiney Voice would allow it. If he dated Stacy, he would be in Las Vegas more often, and knowing what great pals we are, she'd have no problem allowing me to join them when he came out to see her, right? Right. Stacy was definitely the better choice.
That way, I'd be the hero. I'd be bringing two of my closest single friends together and if it all worked out, they would fall madly in love and live happily ever after. While I watched. Alone. Still single. Coveting their relationship and ruing the day that I fixed them up and wondering why I didn't have the nerve to tell him how I really felt about him. But, how do I feel? Was I actually falling for Jay myself? Could I just sit idly by and let Stacy get her acrylic claws into him?
"You can be sure, after I'm through with him, he won't even remember her name," said Stacy, oblivious to the fact that I was about to have a massive panic attack. "And, I promise, since you're such a doll for fixing us up, I will give you every, single, dirty little detail of our night together!"
She winked conspiratorially. My stomach turned. "Well, I've got to run, I'm having a chemical peel at two. I'll see you and Jon on Saturday night!" She stood up and blew me a kiss before I could say a word.
"Jay," I whispered after she'd gone. "His name is Jay ... and I think I have just made a huge mistake."
Sonja is a writer who covers the ins and outs of relationships. Or ups and downs?