"Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?"
—Chicago
Soulless philistines.
May their flesh turn green from their fake Rolexes as chintzy elastic bands pinch their skin and rip off their wrist hair at the roots.
Sorry, folks, but they had that coming.
No heathenism will be tolerated with the JCK (named for Jewelers Circular Keystone magazine) Show in town June 3-8 as conventioneers stage a frenzied buy-and-sell spree.
Now, if you'll excuse me … I'm browsin' here! I'm browsin' here! ... Huh? Why have I collected 103 watches over 35 years? Why am I a horological whore? I don't have time to answer that. Ask these guys.
"You have artists who create these ingenious works of art that are astonishingly beautiful, and every one of them will tell you the time. I can't think of any other art medium—and I do consider watchmaking an art—that has to operate under those constraints. It's amazing how these wizards can dream up new things that this mechanical device can do, it's very cool." —Tim Temple, host of ShopNBC's Time Zone.
"The urge to collect mechanical watches is almost exclusively a man's club. The ladies may like to have a variety to match an outfit or flash some diamonds, but the micro-engineered motor of a mechanical watch touches on the very heart of the kind of toys guys like. They look good and have a function beyond simple adornment. A fine wristwatch appeals to us in the same instinctual way a fine luxury or sports car can."
—
Gary George Girdvainis, publisher of International Wristwatch magazine.
Oh Lord, NO! My Jacques Lemans moon-phase indicator indicates it's a full one tonight, which means ... NO, PLEASE, HELP, SOMEONE! ... I'm turning into ... Waaaaaaaaa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa! ... The Watchmanian Devil.
OOOOOOGA! TICKY-TOCKY! TOCKY-TICKY! ME ... WANT ... WATCH!
Ooooooh! Nicolet brand! Open-heart watch! See gears churning! TOCKY-TICKY! TICKY-TOCKY! Blue textured dial with hundreds of tiny ridges! OOOOOOGA! Day, date, month wheels! SLURP-SLURP! Pulsar with charcoal band and hard black-leather accents! Stunning black face, white date, red hands! Stuhrling skeleton dial with 24-hour military time and exhibition back! DROOOOOOL! ME WANT DAT ONE! AND DAT ONE! AND DAT ONE! OOOOOOGA!
"Price ranges for watches vary wildly and even some $100 Swatch watches can be considered collectibles. On the other end, there are more watches being sold at auction and over the counter in the six-figure range than ever before." —G.G.G.
"There is an intense fervor of collection in the several-hundred-dollar range, $199 to $599. I have a couple of expensive watches, but I'm mostly in that range myself. The complications being offered now for around $200 to $500—power reserves, big dates, the open heart—would cost you $10,000 to $20,000 three or four years ago." —
T.T.
Lupah watch from Invicta! On celebrity wrists! Itty-bitty Baby Lupah! Fire-breathing Dragon Lupah! Dial made from chip of meteorite that crashed to Earth! OOOOOOGA! Radiant face! Illunminated hands! Exotic straps! Alligator! Eel! Ostrich! Crocodile! Sharkskin! TICKY-TOCKY! Diamond-studded bezel! Rose-gold layering! HOT-HOT-HOT! Brands galore! Lucien Picard! Breitling! Carl Bucherer! Zeno! Revue Thommen! Android! Croton! Ventura! Maurice Lacroix! TOCKY-TICKY! DROOOOOOL! ME WANT! WANT! WANT!
"One common misconception is that Rolex is the only great watch out there. They are fine watches, but many would argue there are better brands with less-well publicized or recognized names." —G.G.G.
"There are watches I'm in awe of, like Quinting, and I do have one. It's the world's only see-through watch, with a completely invisible movement. The gears are there, you just can't see them. It's 230 custom-built, moving parts inside the bezel that work on 12 stacked, sapphire discs that are all treated to be glare-resistant, so it just appears to be a ring with hands floating in the middle of it. Absolutely astonishing." —
T.T.
Gray/tres-elegant Frederick Constant watch with sweep second hand! Movado museum dial, pitch black with diamond dot! Sleek! OOOOOOGA! GIMME! GIMME! Oh, lookie-lookie! Dual time zones! Tri-time zones! The time in Zurich! Do I need the time in Zurich? YES! Chronographs! OOOOOOH! Russian watch! Tells days in Russian! Can't read Russian! Don't care! WANT? DA! Colors! Colors! Hunter green! Midnight blue! Icy silver! Fire-engine red! Glows in dark! COOOOOOL! Greenwich Mean Time! Set to clock in Greenwich, England! YEEEEEES!
"Sometimes, if I'm wearing something, I will miss wearing something else, so I'll pick one I haven't worn in a year. Sometimes it's fun to take one or two and trade for something that's new. I'm sure some people think of it as strange. A friend of mine, he doesn't get watches AT ALL. I gave up a long time ago trying to convert him because he's very happy with his Timex, so OK, fine." —
T.T.
"My advice to collectors is only buy what you want to keep and occasionally wear. Stick with art if you don't want to use your investment. Some collectors say to focus on one genre—chronographs, world timers. I prefer a variety of mechanical watches—alarms, moon phases, chronos, et al."—
G.G.G.
Corum bubble watch! Huge case! Sapphire crystal! Recessed pushers to change date and day, no bulky buttons on side! Raised Roman numerals! Arabic numerals in 3-D! See-through exhibition back! Hundreds of tiny moving parts! Outer-track dates circle the dial! OOOOOOGA! SLURP-SLURP! DROOOOOOL! Butterfly clasp! Deployant clasp! Blue hands! Quartz watch run by battery—UGHA-MUGA! No craftsmanship! Me want automatic watch! Run by wrist movement! Or mechanical—run by winding! Handmade! Artistry and precision! ME WANT NOW! NOW! NOW!
"Buy from only recognized and legitimate dealers unless you really know your stuff. You could easily get burned with a re-cased or otherwise nonoriginal, or even worse, a fake. That applies to both vintage and modern watches." —
G.G.G.
"I hear from people who only bought quartz watches because they were the most prevalent. After they see the show, they appreciate the difference between a quartz and an automatic, and why connoisseurs prefer automatics. At least they're thinking outside of a confine they used to have. I find that very gratifying." —
T.T.
Shapes! Shapes! Shapes! Barrel-like tonneau! Octagons! Rectangles! Triangles! Ovals! Alien-skulled! Wafer-thin, slides under cuff! Massive, like wearing cigarette pack! Digital! Analog! Power reserve! Tells how much "gas left in tank" of automatic! Diver watch! Rotating bezel to 200 meters! DIVE-TICKY-TOCKY-DIVE!
"Collectors can get fanatical enough to spend $11.2 million—the record—for a watch. Affluent or not you need to be a little fanatical to do that." —
G.G.G.
ME WANT WATCH! OOOOOOGA! ... Ooooooga ...... ooooooga ... ooo ... Whoa, deep breath, now ... Ahhhhhh. In control of my willpower once again ... That Movado is how much? No, no. Gotta draw the line at that. I've got a mortgage, ya know? And bills. And 103 watches already. And children are starving in third-world nations. And ... ooooooga ... Ooooooga ... OOOOOOGA! TICKY-TOCKY! TOCKY-TICKY! ME WAAAAAANT!
You take a personal check?