Did you happen to see that the NFL robbed its TV partners this week, inking a six-year contract extension with CBS and FOX for $8 BILLION? Whew, what a relief. Now Cowboys owner Jerry Jones can afford to move forward with his next face-lift.
Seriously, wouldn't it be nice if the league's 32 filthy-rich owners turned philanthropic and used this dough to better their product? Say, for instance:
Buy the New Orleans Saints some heart and the Arizona Cardinals an identity; pay off Kurt Warner's deal with the devil; purchase Drew Bledsoe some new legs; send the entire Seattle Seahawks organization to a seminar titled "How to Stop Screwing Your Fans: Learn How to Cover the Freakin' Spread"; give Miami Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga a blank check to fold his sad-sack franchise immediately; and, most importantly, no matter the amount—$1 million, $5 million, whatever—buy out Chris Berman's ESPN contract and get that fat, untalented homer off my TV!
Packers -4 vs. Vikings Quick quiz: What's more predictable, that Christmas will fall on December 25 each year or that the Vikings will fall apart after Halloween? That's a toughie, but I gotta go with B.
Bills +8.5 at Patriots Let's see, six weeks ago, the Patriots hammered the Bills in Buffalo by two touchdowns, and Buffalo's quarterback is now less than two months away from a forced retirement. Yeah, this seems about right.
Seahawks +1 at Rams I didn't just type that, did I, not after the way the Seahawks screwed me the last time these two teams played? Um, let's move on.
Ravens -1 at Jets Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Quincy Carter vs. the Ravens defense. The line for the ATM machine forms to your left.
Best Bet Eagles-Cowboys over 41.5. At this point, I have to believe that Bill Parcells wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror and screams: "You IDIOT! You're destroying your legacy!" ... How bad is the Eagles' run defense? Washed-up Cowboys running back Eddie George just might rush for more than three yards per carry this week.
Last week: 4-1 (0-1 Best Bet)
Season: 25-20 (3-6 Best Bet)