The Weekly’s Fairly Annual, Totally Empirical, Super Scientific Club Guide and Nightlife Survival Manual

Because Labor Day Is When We Dance!

Martin Stein

The Las Vegas Valley boasts some of the most fascinating discology in the world, with a wide variety of species competing and coexisting. It would take a nightclub Dian Fossey a lifetime to catalog them all, but we present, in our modest opinion, a substantial list.



Seven / Alesium


Patioa stripus

A rare hybrid demonstrating house, hip-hop and trance characteristics while also providing evidence of male revuopia four nights a week.


Hours: 11 p.m.-9 a.m. Wed.-Sun.


Admission: $10 locals, $20 general, $30 line pass, $300 VIP package


3724 S. Las Vegas Blvd.

739-7744.



The Beach


Partia maximus

A fraternal atmosphere combined with a coastal theme, this beast is surprisingly hospitable to Las Vegas residents.


Hours: Opens 10 p.m. daily


Admission: Women free; military free; local men free before

midnight, $5-$10 after; out-of-state men $10-$15.


365 Convention Center. 731-1925.



BiKiNiS Beach & Dance Club


Hardium bodia

Exhibiting a strong desire to expose its bare flesh to customers, this animal provides a range of music, and oftimes rare in Las Vegas, free public seating.


Hours: Opens 10 p.m., Thu.-Sun.


Admission: $20 general, $30 line pass, $300 VIP package


In the Rio. 777-6582.



Body English


Europa rockstario

A recent arrival in Las Vegas, this highly refined creature's pheromones seem to have a positive attractive effect on the species Humanus beautifulia.


Hours: 10:30 p.m.-4:30 a.m. Fri.-Sun.


Admission: Local women free, $20 general, $300 VIP package


In the Hard Rock. 693-5000.



Caramel


Loungio topfortium

Demonstrating successful adaptive strategies, this animal has carved out a niche with a range of popular sounds combined with higher-level seating and portable foliage.


Hours: 5 p.m.-4 a.m. daily


Admission: Free


In Bellagio. 693-8300.



Carnaval Court


Bartendia flairian

This creature, famous for its dexterity in handling bottled substances, exists in a symbiotic relationship with the species Jarr, Cook E., which makes its appearance known by periodic howling.


Hours: Noon-2 a.m. Sun.-Thu., noon-3 a.m. Fri.-Sat.


Admission: Free


3475 S. Las Vegas Blvd. 369-5084.



Club Rio


Dansorium assoffia

The largest beast in Las Vegas at 30,000 square feet, it exhibits evidence of Central and South American lineage every Thursday, with Latin, salsa and dance music.


Hours: 11 p.m.-4 a.m. Thu., 11:30 p.m.-4 a.m. Fri.-Sat.


Admission: Free for local women and service-industry, $10 women, $15 men Thu.; free for local women, $10 women, $20 men Fri.-Sat.; $30 line pass, $300-$300 VIP package


In the Rio. 777-7977.



Coyote Ugly


Bartendia babium

A flamboyant animal, widely known for its impressive displays of plummage, its nomenclature is one of the rare instances of the use of irony in the biological world.


Hours: 6 p.m.-4 a.m. daily


Admission: $10, $20 line pass. Service industry night, Sun.


In New York-New York. 212-8804.



Curve


Loungio luxuria

Biologists speculate this animal might trace its roots back to the British Isles, but its creature comforts are decidedly urban. As befits the species, listen for its lounge, house and dance mating calls.


Hours: Living Room 6 p.m. Wed.-Sun.; lounge 10:30 p.m.


Admission: Always free for locals, Living Room free; lounge $20 general.


In the Aladdin. 785-5525.



Double Down Saloon


Divium barus

A mild-tempered but fearsome-looking beast that embraces nonconvention and uses liquids such as Ass Juice and bacon martinis for defense.


Hours: 24/7


Admission: Free


4640 Paradise Road. 791-5775.



Dragon (China Grill)


Rara opulencia

Making regular but fleeting appearances, it is known for luring in well-dressed and coiffed organisms, which are doubtlessly attracted by its modern atmosphere.


Hours: 11 p.m.-4 a.m. Wed.


Admission: $20 line pass


Inside China Grill, Mandalay Bay. 632-7404.



Drai's


Afterhourous rex

The king of the Las Vegas late-night world, this creature doubles as a fine-dining restaurant during evening hours. After 12, it sheds its hide and becomes an opulent club, complete with leopard-skin furniture and some of the city's best DJs.


Hours: midnight-8:30 a.m. Wed.-Sun.


Admission: $10 locals, $20 general.


In Barbary Coast. 737-0555.



Drop Bar


Bootia go-goian

A young species which camouflages itself as an animal from the 1960s imagining itself in the future, which is today ... but different.


Hours: 24/7


Admission: Free


In Green Valley Ranch. 221-6560.



Foundation Room


Viewium spectacularia

A reclusive and shy animal, but worth making the effort to befriend for its exotic personality and birds-eye view of the Strip.


Hours: midnight-5 a.m. Mon., invitation only Wed.


Admission: $20


In Mandalay Bay. 632-7600.



Ghostbar


Patioa ceethroughum

More comfortable at higher altitudes, this futuristic-looking creature commands a wide vista of the Las Vegas Valley.


Hours: 8 p.m.-4 a.m. daily


Admission: $10 local women, $10 general Sun.-Thu., $20 general Fri.-Sat.


In the Palms. 942-7777.



Gipsy


Dansorium gaymania

Often described in text books as an "alternative" animal, it attracts an open-minded array of species who enjoy creative attire.


Hours: 9 p.m. daily


Admission: $5 after 10 p.m. Sun., 11:30 p.m. other nights


4605 Paradise Road. 731-1919.



Ice


Mega clubitas

A sprawling beast in the Las Vegas discosystem, it is able to discharge clouds of liquid nitrogen to cool itself down and befuddle enemies.


Hours: 11 p.m.-5 a.m. Thu.-Sun., 10:30 p.m.-5 a.m. Fri.-Sat.


Admission: $20 general, $40 line pass, $115-$330 VIP package


200 E. Harmon Ave.



Kahunaville


Crazibarium tropicana Loud and vibrant, this is one local animal that manages to thrive despite its somewhat hidden lair.


Hours: 11-2 a.m. daily


Admission: Free


In TI. 894-7390.



Light


Upscalious sophisticae

A highly rarified creature, the result of a cross-breeding of techno, hip-hop and cocktails served in stemware.


Hours: 10:30 p.m.-4 a.m. Thu.-Sun.


Admission: Local women free, $25 general.


Inside Bellagio. 987-3456.



Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville


Cheeseburgerium paradisia

Able to belch forth hundreds of gallons of margaritas, this newer addition to the Valley attracts flocks of Parrotheads on a nightly basis.


Hours: 11-2 a.m. Sun.-Thu., 11-3 a.m. Fri.-Sat., live music 10 p.m.-2 a.m.


Admission: Free


At the Flamingo. 733-3302.



Mist


Loungio casualium

Sharing the same habitat as Kahunaville and yet obviously a far different species, this animal is evidently comfortable with its own elegance and feels no need to hunt for your wallet.


Hours: 4 p.m.-4 a.m. Sun.-Thu., noon-4 a.m., Fri.-Sat.


Admission: Free


In TI. 894-7111.



Napoleon's


Secretus bestkeptoria

Unique in Las Vegas' bestiary, this creature almost seems as if it's been displaced from another more urban environment with its champagne selection and live jazz.


Hours: 6 p.m.-2 a.m. Sun.-Thu., 5 p.m.-3 a.m. Fri.-Sat.


Admission: Free


In Paris. 946-7000.



OBA


Loungio vip-ornuthin

Not much is known about this secretive animal which makes its home atop the House of Blues other than its pelt is rich, soft and comfy.


Hours: 4-9 a.m. Mon., 11 p.m.-4 a.m. Wed.-Sun.


Admission: Varies


Inside Mandalay Bay. 221-2583.



OPM


Funkorium allnightoria

With likely the hardiest constitution of all the area's wildlife, this creature has access to Wolfgang Puck's cuisine until 3 a.m.


Hours: 10 p.m.-6 a.m. Thu.-Sun.


Admission: $10 general and $20 line pass Thu., $20 general and $40 line pass Fri.-Sun.


Inside the Forum Shops. 369-4998.



Peppermill Fireside Lounge


Loungio oldtimoria

If strength can be measured in longevity, this is the alpha male of Las Vegas, hypnotizing its prey with its nearly magical floating fire pit.


Hours: 24/7


Admission: Free


2985 S. Las Vegas Blvd. 735-7635.



Plush


Lagoonia westsidori

Exploiting an underused habitat, this animal has proven attractive enough to bring in other species from across the Valley for its variety of music, food and dancing.


Hours: 5 p.m.-midnight Wed., 5 p.m.-midnight Thu., 5 p.m.-4 a.m. Fri.-Sat.


Admission: $15-$25


221 N. Rampart Blvd. 869-2335.



Prana Lounge


Orientia chimera

A bizarre creature able to change its form nightly, it jealously hordes its garlic noodles while offering up a dance floor as a distraction.


Hours: 6-10:30 p.m. Tue.-Thu., Sun.; 10:30 p.m.-2 a.m. Fri.-Sat.


Admission: Free


Inside Desert Passage. 650-0507.



Ra


Dansorium biggum

One of the 800-pound gorillas in Las Vegas' discology, this beast battles it out with the other behemoths, and often wins.


Hours: 10 p.m. Wed.-Sat.


Admission: Women free Thu., $10 women, $20 men, $300 VIP package


Inside the Luxor. 262-4444.



Rain Nightclub


Dansorium maloofia

Speaking of 800-pound gorillas, this multilevel monster is able to do far more than simply defend its territory; despite making its home off the Strip, it's able to rule its portion of the roost.


Hours: 11 p.m.-5 a.m. Thu., 10 p.m.-5 a.m. Fri.-Sat.


Admission: Local women free, $10 general Thu., $20 general Fri.-Sat., $300-$1,000 VIP packages.


Inside the Palms. 942-6832.



Red Square


Sovieta drinkski

Hailing from the Siberian steppes and personifying the spirit of comradery, it has amassed a collection of 170 varieties of vodka and consistently wins awards for its cocktails.


Hours: 5-11 p.m. Sun.-Thu., 5 p.m.-midnight Fri.-Sat.


Admission: Free


Inside Mandalay Bay. 632-7407.



Risque


Loungio continentium

A smaller animal living on the Strip, it still has unique characteristics, like private balconies and a Sunday locals-appreciation night, that make it a Mogwai among Gremlins—a very sexy Mogwai.


Hours: 10 p.m.-4 a.m. Thu.-Sun.


Admission: Local women free, $10 local men, $10 women, $20 men, $30 line pass, $300 VIP package


Inside Paris. 967-7999.



Rumjungle


Volcania congarium

What this double-drumming creature has in a wide range of music, it more than makes up for with its 5,000-bottle rum mountain.


Hours: 11 p.m.-2 a.m. Tue.-Thu., Sun.; 11 p.m-4 a.m. Fri.-Sat.


Admission: $20-$30, waived for dinner guests


Inside Mandalay Bay. 632-7408.



Shadow Bar


Loungio seductivium

Able to distract and beguile its prey with silhouettes of naked women, this is one animal that quite frankly makes you forget what you're drinking.


Hours: noon-4 a.m. Mon.-Thu., 24 hours Fri.-Sat.


Admission: Free


Inside Caesars. 731-7110.



Studio 54


Dansorium partia

As well as an ancestry stretching back to 1970s New York City, this creature has developed such methods of expression as confetti cannons and aerial go-go dancers.


Hours: 10 p.m., Tue.-Sat.


Admission: Women free, men $10 weekdays, men $20 weekends, $30 line pass Wed.-Thu., $40 line pass Tue., Fri.-Sat., half-price with Nevada ID.


Inside MGM Grand. 891-1111.



Tabu


Loungio beauteous

This one of the most stunning animals roaming the Valley (in every sense), but under its sophisticated coat, this kitty has claws, baby! Rowrr! Hiss!


Hours: 10 p.m., Tue.-Sun.


Admission: $20


Inside MGM Grand. 891-7183.



Tangerine


Orangium burlesquia

The latest species to be introduced to the area's discology, this creature boasts traits not seen in Vegas for decades, such as strip-tease artists and live musical trios, proving that everything old is hip again.


Hours: 5 p.m.-4 a.m. Tue.-Sat., patio 3:30 p.m.-4 a.m.


Admission: Local women and hotel guests free, $10 women, $20 men, $40 line pass, $500 VIP package


Inside TI. 212-8140.


[As we were headed to press, word reached us of a new animal of the Loungia family rearing its head at the Rio, I-Bar. We at the Weekly are deeply committed to maintaining Las Vegas' natural diversity and wish it all the best.—Ed.]



V Bar


Loungia urbania

Like much of Las Vegas' fauna, this animal has a highly evolved and sleek appearance, with soft lighting, opaque glass walls and double-sided chaise lounges.


Hours: 6 p.m.-4 a.m. daily


Admission: Varies


Inside the Venetian. 414-3200.



Venus Lounge


Loungia tikia

Disguised as a creature from the Rat Pack era, it is able to spring upon unsuspecting prey, and with the help of ladies in red, draw them in.


Hours: 10:30 p.m.-4 a.m. Wed.-Sat., 6 p.m.-4 a.m. Sun.; 6 p.m.-1 a.m. tiki bar


Admission: $10 women, $20 men, $20 women's line pass, $30 men's line pass


In the Venetian. 414-4870.



Voodoo Lounge


Loungia altitudium

Comfortable in its aerie 51 floors above the Strip, this beast enjoys Top 40 tunes and a massive open-air patio.


Hours: 5 p.m.-3 a.m. daily


Admission: Local women free, $5 women, $10 men


In the Rio. 247-7923.



The Whiskey


Cluberia greatviewum

Far off the Strip in Henderson, this beast has adapted to its far-flung habitat by offering something for everyone: bar, club and poolside lounge.


Hours: 5 p.m.-2 a.m. Sun.-Thu., 6 p.m.-4 a.m. Fri.-Sat.


Admission: Free but may vary with live music


In Green Valley. 617-7777.

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