The Big Dogs of Comedy

It’s the Funny That Matters When America’s Top Stand-Ups Come for The Comedy Festival

Josh Bell

Perhaps the most accomplished comedic canine puppet of all time, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog has parlayed his periodic appearances on Late Night with Conan O'Brien into his own album (Come Poop With Me) and live show, which he brings to town as part of The Comedy Festival.



Are you excited to come to Las Vegas? What's your favorite thing to do in town?


I reminisce a lot, get a little sentimental. I go over to where the Sands use to be, think about old times, and take a dump. I know it's corny, but it's what Frank would've done. Frank and I have a lot of history here, you know. I was always there to help Frank bury dead hookers in the desert.



Will you be seeing the Pussycat Dolls? Or do you plan to stay away from felines?


I have no problem with cats, I've even shtupped a few in my day. Just never let one give you a hand job.



Do you expect a run-in with Penn over your comments on Howard Stern?


I can say what I want, I have my rights and Penn knows it. He's a Libertarian, yes? Whatever that is. Basically a conservative who likes porn.



Do you have any thoughts on the rumors of Eminem's retirement?


If he retires, then the smallest penis in rap will belong to Missy Elliot.



Are there more musical releases in your future?


I want to do a duets album, like Frank did. But if I can't land Danza there's no point.



Are you currently romantically involved with any bitches?


I have a bitch in every city ... let's see, in Vegas I have a Pomeranian, in LA I have a Pekingese and in New York I have Sally Jessy Raphael.



Do you have any thoughts on global warming, the focus of the festival's opening night event?


I'm actually here on a fact-finding mission. I'm in Vegas to find out where there's more crude oil, in Alaska or in Wayne Newton's hair.

  • Get More Stories from Thu, Nov 10, 2005
Top of Story