Selling the Sizzle

Compiled by
Martin Stein

April 30 marks the opening day of the Hard Rock's Rehab, and the start of the pool-party season. Jack Lafleur's 800-pound gorilla will face competition this year from the Palms' revamped Skin under the expert guidance of Mike Fuller, Hooters, Red Rock's Cherry and maybe even the Mirage, Venetian and Tao (for the full scoop, be sure to read Xania Woodman's Nights on the Circuit next week). In the meantime, here are what Vegas notables are doing to get prepped.

"I stop drinking beer and only drink scotch on the rocks around this time of year (Black Label is my favorite). Rehab is just around the corner and I want my body to have that well-fed look. DJs don't work out; we just pay monthly dues to a gym to make ourselves feel better or to drop off flyers once in a while. Drinks like scotch, tequila and vodka on the rocks have almost no carbs and no calories. Plus, when the ice cubes melt, it's like drinking a glass of water, too. You get a buzz and stay healthy at the same time. Also, if you drink enough to throw up at the end of the night, you can burn off even more calories. I call this the Las Vegas DJ Diet."

"When summer starts to roll around, I begin to watch who I eat ... I mean, what I eat. Actually, this year I'm going to try the Jane Fonda videos. I just got her latest one, Monster-in-Law. I just don't understand how these tapes are suppose to make you lose weight."

Switch from Bud to Bud Light!

"It's all an illusion. All my height, weight and age are in the specially constructed suit that I have to wear to play the big, loud guy in Penn & Teller. When pool season comes around, sometimes I slip out of my Penn Jillette suit and let myself really live free as the 117-pound, 5-foot 8-inch, busty, bikini-filling piece of ass I really am."

"When I go out to eat, I order whatever I want. Then I eat it. Then I get a bigger suit."

"I know many people work out, but I haven't been to a gym in years, so my only 'sets' will be behind the turntables."

"In preparation for summer, I remove my thong (because I wear it all winter long), turn on the pool, turn on the barbeque, stoke up the stogie, chill the beer and wait for my friends to start popping by!"

"I get ready with a can of spray tan, an ice-cold beer and a well-built cabana boy. Let the games begin!

"I buy more baggy shirts and make new excuses for still being fat. I also get my houseboat and Jet Skis ready for the pool after-parties/sleepovers. Finally, I burn more promo CDs to give out at the pools."

"I kick back and wait with the video camera to charge up and I make sure the air conditioning is working."

"Be very careful with your diet. Avoid all fats. Spend at least 45 minutes on the elliptical exerciser, or, better yet, go running with your greyhound along steep mountain trails. Lift weights under the direction of a professional trainer. Take facials and mud baths to get all the pores of your skin clean. When your body is absolutely perfect, have your hair exquisitely styled, buy the most revealing swimsuit possible, don it, then sprawl alluringly on my lawn and let me appreciate you."

"Pool parties are a modern society's way of un-subtly humbling each and everyone of us! No matter how hot you think you are—or how hot you think someone else looks—someone even hotter shows up! I am glad I have had time to work on a good personality."

"To be perfectly honest, I've never felt 'bathing suit'-ready. But if I must tell, I try to cut out some of the candy I always splurge on. I also make sure I've got a nice tan going on. It's embarrassing to be pale in public when all the other girls are tan. I just have a couple of cocktails and forget I'm even in a bathing suit in front of all of Vegas!"

"We're supposed to wear bathing suits?"

"With the new DJ technology, I'm scratching and mixing videos now. So instead of my daily scratch training with just audio, I put in an aerobics video and scratch the people working out, so I won't have to. I'll do 300 push-ups with my finger tips!"

"Seeing as how I just shot the campaign for Rehab, I'm well past my preparations for pool season and already into the post-shoot eating frenzy (which I actually go through every Monday). Thankfully, I don't bare much skin at Rehab, as I am deeply entrenched in working the line, seating cabanas and spinning records. But I'll keep doing what I do, which is going to the gym four to six days a week, ranging from 10 to 45 minutes. Riding my dirt bike also helps keep me in shape ... and its mucho more fun than staring at a gang of 45-pound plates daring me to push them!"

"To get in shape for pool parties, I run from the front door of Krave to the VIP area in high- heel pumps, making sure I keep my Tina Turner legs and girlish figure. Ha! I'm ready for my 'dip' now."

"I now park in the parking garage and take the stairs as opposed to parking in valet. Not all go-go dancers have perfect bodies. I just recently started the 28-day NutriSystem diet and purchased an ab-cruncher I'd seen on TV. Aaahhh, the things we do to stay fit!"

"Being the star of Erocktica at the Rio, I'm preparing for 'swimsuit season' every day of my life. My swimsuit covers a lot more than my costumes do onstage. I work out every day, doing cardio and 200 crunches, so when I do put on my costumes I know everything is in its proper place. It's a lot of work, but when I do finally hit the pool, I get very excited when my itsy-bitsy bikini is looking good! After performing onstage all winter, this 'rocker chick' is ready for some summer fun!"

"To get ready for that summer bod, you have got to start your day with a Tazo Chai latte from Starbucks. This will curb your appetite without that coffee anxiety. Forget the cardio and just do Core Secrets Workout by Gunner Peterson and Brooke Burke three times a week! It really works.If this combo doesn't shred you up ... hmmm ... you may need to get a new man to work those extra pounds off!"

"There is not much I can do about my face, maybe to shave the little bits that are off the limits of my hairy character's look. The rest of the body is no problem. [My costume has a] perfect six-pack and strong chest drawn into it. It is a whole body, skin color, and with tatoos and everything, the whole farabacha. Even if I haven't matched my costume, my beautiful garden and the good mood are really helping. Ciao, see you in the water!"

"Between the brownies, dancing and stress, I'm ready to go! Who needs Tae Bo?"

"I shall begin to invest yet again in some juicy body butters and tanning-creme applicators, and keep on my yoga path. Can't wait till bikini season!"

"I order lots of sunless tanner! I also bump up the bedroom cardio into high gear!"

"I belly dance in my favorite sheer, pink outfit to my hot new CD single, "My Man, My Mansion, My Money." I have added belly dancing to my tai chi and yoga routines that everybody saw me do on The Flavor of Love. I have my man take me shopping, and I walk for hours to lose calories, admiring diamonds and new acquisitions that accrue in value. I practice seasoning and cooking sweet and crispy chicken in the microwave. I alternate lifting weights—you know 44 DDs are heavy, so my triceps and biceps are getting toned. Plus, my 44s do serve as great floatation devices in the pool.

"Starting in March, I hit every Wal-Mart I can find and clear their shelves of Almay SPF 30-45 scentless suntan spray! I never pray to the sun gods! My customers call me creamy white meat, and, at 37, my skin is almost as soft, tight and wrinkle-free as the day I was born! I was born and raised in Manhattan, where the summers are intensely humid and it is the law that the rain is to begin every Friday morning and end every Sunday evening. I am in a state of panic living in the outrageously hot and excessively arid climate here in Las Vegas! I am convinced that if the sun hits my skin, it will instantly turn to leather, and instead of looking 28, I will wake up in the morning and see a 70-year-old staring back at me in the mirror!"

"A) Reduce champagne consumption from seven magnums a week to just three for one month prior to season start;

B) Vacation for one week in Cabo San Lucas so I am tan-ready for the Vegas season;

C) Check out Tommy Bahama for new slimming swimshorts;

D) Pay whatever it takes for a VIP bungalow cabana at the Palms' new pool—and then increase champagne consumption back to normal once inside!

"I eat a lot of spicy cheese quesadillas from Del Taco, do a little fake 'n' bake so I don't look like I have been in hiding all summer, and, of course, I shop. I have to buy about 10 new bathing suits—a girl can't be seen in the same suit twice right?"

"I always know when the pool-party season is here because I check myself into Rehab ... at the Hard Rock pool!"

"I put ice cubes in my pool to make the gin cold."

"We make sure we stock up on plenty of sunscreen to avoid burning and premature aging. If you tend to glow in the dark, get things started with a spray tan or good self-tanner. It's also vital to stay hydrated in the desert; try to drink a gallon of water a day. Don't forget to beef up your fitness program at least a month before baring it all at the pool—you don't want anyone to run screaming the other way! Still carrying around holiday padding? Watch your diet: Eat lots of fruit, veggies and lean meats—avoid the desserts! Last but not least, if you can't swim, stay out of the deep end!

"I am not a big fan of tanning. I always try to avoid sun exposure, or protect my skin and hair if I go swimming. The best I can do is to stay in the shade and use 30 or 40 SPF sun block. I also use a special oil for my hair— Leonor Greyl Palm Oil. Oh, and almost forgot: hat! This is very important here in Las Vegas. I like my white skin, but in the summertime, I like to look fresh. Guess what? With all those tips, I still get slightly darker, but stay healthier. One more thing: If you still find yourself too dull, use self-tan products on your legs, like Lancome for legs. C'est tout.

"I come from the south of France, Cannes, so I am very used to the sun. Here is some advice: It is always good before summer to expose oneself little by little, and don't forget to drink lots of water and carrot juice. This makes the skin look good and gives it the vitamins it needs against the very aggressive first rays of the sun. Now for the skin, I douse myself in Monoi; it is an oil from Tahiti that smells very good, like hot sand, and gives the skin a beautiful color. On the other hand, I always use SPF 40 on my face and never forget my sunglasses. As for caring for my hair, I put a little phyto oil on my hair to protect it, but to be honest, I like summer because it gives my hair a pretty blond tone. Don't forget proper tanning attire: a tiny, little bikini to avoid tan lines. There you have it, I think I have given you all my secrets.

"I come from Russia and my skin is not used to the Vegas sun. It is fragile and white so I use Payot Body Care. Because of the sun, my hair is dry so I love Kerastase Shampoo for dry hair. For my face, I use a tinted cream for protection, L'Oreal Sublime Bronze, because I love to have tan skin in the summer."

"Hair: Leonor Greyl Palm Oil and sun-protection oil Kerastase. Face: Lancaster sun cream, SPF 30, hat and sunglasses. Body: Once a week, use self-tanner on your entire body to make tan lines disappear. Also, make sure to drink a lot of water after being in the pool and use hydrating masques on your hair."