Monday, January 2, 12:20 a.m. One might think that at some point the bell curve would actually curve, that somewhere down the line, the cup will be full. That one of these days, Las Vegas will have more nightclubs than bodies to shoehorn into them. But, if tonight is any indication, that threshold is a long way off.
Seated next to the DJ booth at the premiere of Jet's Industry Monday, I liberally apply Grey Goose to soothe my synapses as they fire off, trying to wrap themselves around the fact that it took me 25 minutes to make it through the ladies room line.
I set off determined to circumnavigate Jet. From my home-base table in the House Room, I move to refresh my drink for the upcoming trip but my server Sophia has already done that, and Travis the busser is efficiently removing stray napkins and glasses. I step outside my tiny enclave and am instantly sucked into the surge of bodies. The room has become so full there's a line at the doorway, and as I pass through the heavily curtained arch, another girl gets to enter.
The rectangular Main Room is awesomely overpopulated. In the corner, a tiny placard says "Max. occupancy 890." I laughingly toast the sign and move into the fray, searching for the famed ceiling light show while deftly guarding my drink from elbows. A tall waitress heaves an ice bucket up over my head, a wide-eyed and panic-stricken look on her face. "Excuse me!" She pokes a square nail into my ribs. Is this nightclub road rage? My ears prick up to the change in music. Some vintage Britney—a secret indulgence—soothes the savage beast and is ironically played back-to-back with Justin Timberlake. The sunken dance floor is ringed with pockets of the Who's Who of nightlife; Tao's staff is here in full force, as is Pure's. Flashbulbs pop everywhere as roving web photographers from NapkinNights, EventVibe and SpyOnVegas preserve the moments.
The soundtrack changes as I pass through another curtain to the tiny, triangular Rock Room, nearly identical to where my own booth is on the other side of the club. DJ Scotty Boy is hard at work mashing up the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps" with Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer." As a drink is passed over my head, it dribbles onto my arm and neck. I watch employees arrive at the service area simultaneously in a clamorous three-way crash. In another corner, one poor guy looses his martini a gulp at a time with shoulder-blows from a small, manic VIP host. I realize that closeness and contact are simple facts if you want to experience Jet's glamour but don't want to shell out for a booth. Claustrophobes, agoraphobes and misanthropes need not apply.
Back in the House Room, DJ Jesse Saunders' upbeat, soulful lounge set ends and DJ Josh Wink takes the helm with a more electronic sound. Percussionist Cayce Woody plays for a few minutes but is told to break down to make room on the dance floor.
Back at my table, my drink has reached half-mast and Sophia once again gets to it before I do, her sweet attentiveness only highlighting the class division between bottle service and steerage. I guiltily accept her attentions but can't help but notice the harried and frenetic pace at which other staff operate. The only malady afflicting this drop-dead gorgeous club is overpopulation which detracts from being able to enjoy its opulence—it's simply too much of a good thing. On the two previous visits without bottle service, my girlfriends, colleagues, roommate and I all enjoyed ourselves, but we all suffered, as well. One slots director said, "I left with more drinks on me than in me!"
A shot girl climbs onto the booth in the world's shortest dress. So beautiful is this siren that customers would accept a shot of Listerine from her and pay for the privilege. I realize why celebrities are constantly standing on the backs of their VIP booths. Not only does it prevent you from wearing your cocktail, but also because seated as we are, we can't see anything but the butts of the people filling every available space in front of us. I'm not complaining; I'm just not a butt girl.
Xania Woodman thinks globally and parties locally. And frequently. E-mail her at
[email protected].
Xania's Hot Spots for January 5–11
Thursday, January 5
Light: Porn In The USA with hostess Alexis Amore
Rain: DJ Hollywood's birthday with Ikon and EJ Tha DJ
Friday, January 6
Curve: John Huntington's One Night Stand with DJs Danny Love and Citizen X
Ice: Thank Glaude It's Friday one-year anniversary party
Light: Penthouse Lingerie by Coquette party hosted by the Penthouse Pets
Tao: AVN party hosted by Tera Patrick
Saturday, January 7
Art Bar: Seventh annual Battle of the Bands finals
Ice: DJ John Digweed
Sunday, January 8
Light: Eye Candy with Impact Models and PEM photo shoot
Monday, January 9
Foundation Room: Godspeed presents Trifecta with DJ King Britt
Jet: Pole-A-Palooza $10,000 pole-dancing contest
Tuesday, January 10
Tabú: Open Decks with DJ Scott Stubbs
Wednesday, January 11
V-Bar: Reinvented Wednesdays
For more Hot Spots and weekly parties visit
www.TheCircuitLV.com and sign up for Xania's free weekly newsletter.