The fundamental difference between handicapping football games and actually playing in them is this: it doesn't take long for a reputed handicapper -- or even someone like me who doesn't handicap games well, but thinks just partaking in the activity gives me the right to park in those specially-marked parking spaces at the mall -- to get into "midseason" form.
The NFL season kicked off Thursday night as the defending Super Bowl champion Colts hosted last year's feel-good Cinderella story, the New Orleans Saints. The Colts were laying close to a touchdown and I figured they'd have a Super Bowl hangover of sorts, and after losing three key defensive players in the offseason, I thought they'd struggle to slow down last season's top passer, New Orleans' Drew Brees.
Yep, I thought the Saints plus the points was the right side to be on.
At halftime, the game was tied 10-10. And better still, the Saints' touchdown came on a fumble return, so I figured New Orleans was in great shape to pull off the upset, or at least take the game down to the wire. They had survived the hoopla over the Colts receiving their Super Bowl rings and keep the crowd at bay and done everything a team needs to do to win on the road -- and their offensive hadn't even shifted into gear yet.
Welcome to another season, Sal. I'm still waiting for New Orleans to find the clutch, much less shift the offense into gear. Four Colts touchdowns and a field goal later, here's your final: Indianapolis 41, New Orleans 10.
For those who don't know me -- that's my life in microcosm. I live for football, and my picks die most every week. To me, the four seasons of the year are preseason, midseason, postseason and offseason. And nobody is happier the latter is finally over.
Each week, I'll offer some tale of woe (probably), and three picks for the weekend -- and provide the choices of eight Las Vegas celebrities, who compete annual for the prestigious (cough) Golden Nerf award, won last year by Phantom -- The Las Vegas Spectacular star Anthony Crivello. The man behind the mask was a force last year in his first season in the contest, and is back to defend his mask, er, crown.
Trying to knock Crivello from the throne are Monte Carlo master magician Lance Burton, who won the inaugural Golden Nerf in 2001, along with fellow magicians Penn & Teller and newcomer Hans Klok; Harrah's comedian Rita Rudner; Mirage impressionist Danny Gans, "Mr. Las Vegas" Wayne Newton and Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman. Best of luck to all the combatants!
As for me, this week, I like the Dolphins +3 at the Redskins, the Falcons +3 at the Vikings and the Cardinals +3 at the 49ers on Monday night.
The celebrity picks:
Lance Burton, Monte Carlo headliner
(0-0)
Panthers +1 at Rams
Chargers -6 vs. Bears
Patriots -6 1/2 at Jets
****
Anthony Crivello, star of "Phantom - The Las Vegas Spectacular"
(0-0)
Vikings -3 vs. Falcons
Cowboys -6 vs. Giants
49ers -3 vs. Cardinals
****
Danny Gans, Mirage headliner
(0-0)
Titans +6 1/2 vs. Jaguars
Eagles -3 at Packers
Vikings -3 vs. Falcons
****
Oscar Goodman, mayor of Las Vegas
(0-0)
Steelers -4 1/2 at Browns
Patriots -6 1/2 at Jets
Chargers -6 vs. Bears
****
Hans Klok, Planet Hollywood headliner
(0-0)
Steelers -4 1/2 at Browns
Bills +3 1/2 vs. Broncos
Chargers -6 vs. Bears
****
Wayne Newton, "Mr. Las Vegas"
(0-0)
Seahawks -6 vs. Buccaneers
Rams -1 vs. Panthers
Cardinals +3 at 49ers
****
Penn & Teller, Rio headliners
(0-0)
Eagles -3 at Packers
Patriots -6 1/2 at Jets
Giants +6 at Cowboys
****
Rita Rudner, Harrah's headliner
(0-0)
Patriots -6 1/2 at Jets
Seahawks -6 vs. Buccaneers
Chargers -6 vs. Bears