10. One of those vibrating, bug-eyed, teeth-gnashing, cymbal-clapping monkeys
9. A subwoofer emanating Barry White’s dramatic reading of the Bill of Rights
8. Inordinately slender breast implants
7. A giant foam hand whose owner is watching the home team get its ass kicked
6. The subway tracks upon which the Angry Express is rapidly approaching
5. Any sort of YouTube video in which a household pet violently and hilariously attacks something twitchy
4. A fast machine who kept her motor clean; the best damn woman that I ever seen
3. Don Knotts
2. The San Andreas Fault, years 1857, 1906, 1989 and 2004
1. Really pissed-off Jell-o
April 10-16, 9 p.m., $73.75. MGM Grand’s Hollywood Theatre, 891-7777.