Music

Takes the punkers bowling

The 10th Annual Punk Rock Bowling Tournament is upon us, and though this year’s participants will surely send balls rolling in ways that would make Lebowski proud, they’ll have a tough time rivaling our All-Time Fantasy Punk Bowling Team. 

Julie Seabaugh

Punk rock bowler: Iggy Pop

     

Edge: Going shirtless has been proven to decrease wind resistance. Would also be impervious to the pain of a smashed finger or random ball upside the head.   

At-bowl song: “We Will Fall,” The Stooges. From the pins’ point of view, naturally. (And minus the romantic overtones.)

Punk rock bowler: Joan Jett   

Edge: The Blackhearts did release Up Your Alley. ’Nuff said.   

At-bowl song: “Bombs Away,” Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth re-release bonus track. The “Cherry Bomb” mantra would be perfectly punctuated by a long, fading rumble and explosion of pins.

Punk rock bowler: Joe Strummer   

Edge: Streamlined build and hairdo.Disadvantage: Dead.   

At-bowl song: “Complete Control,” The Clash. The ultimate punk-rock anthem, and the ultimate goal of ball-release.

Punk rock bowler: Henry Rollins   

Edge: Have you ever seen the dude? He could probably launch a ball using just his neck. 

At-bowl song: “Let Your Fingers Do the Walking,” Black Flag’s Family Man. “I try and try but I can’t seem to pry my mind from the gutter”? That’s not a bad thing in bowling.

Punk rock bowler: Sid Vicious   

Edge: Actually, with his skinny arms and missed turns due to shooting up in the bathroom, he’d probably suck. The entertainment value, however, would be priceless.   

At-bowl song: His not-at-all faithful version of “My Way,” preferably with lyrics amended to “Through it all, when there was doubt/I broke pins up and laid them out/I faced the lane and the ball/And did it my way.”

Punk Rock Bowling Tournament. January 17-20, Sam’s Town. Kick-off party featuring The Adolescents, 7 Seconds, Youth Brigade, American Steel, Nothington. January 18, 8 p.m., $15. Jillian’s, 759-0450..

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